MALFOY'S GIRL (: (:

2006-06-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

I HAVE CHANGED MY BLOG
I WONT DELETE THIS ONE AS IT HAS TOO MANY MEMORIES AND I WILL CHECK IT OCCASIONALLY
THANK YOU

LOVE SHIVU <3

ps: if you want the add just ask me (:

2006-05-31T20:49:00.000+08:00

THERE IS NO BEAUTY IN BLEEDING MASCARA

VOTE FOR PAUL TWOHILL! LET HIM BE THE NEXT SINGAPORE IDOL! COME ON WE NEED SOMEONE DIFFERENT FOR A CHANGE! LET THE DARK ONES BE IN THE LIMELIGHT!

finally a reason to watch singapore idol(:
HE WEARS EYELINER, AHHH SEXAYYEEE OKAYY!
* screams*

okay, i shall stop being stupid. ( oh, but do vote for him )
today was boring, cept for when we were waiting for ORAL to start and during breaks.
my oral topic was so " individualised ", not a real word but yea. it had so much to do with my mid year results.
MDMS is realllyy really good!

pembroke entrance exam is on saturday, which means i gotta do alot of math tomorrow and i cant be hungover on saturday, bah- humbug!
i shall attempt to watch that yamapi vidoe aterioles sent me and i shall go drool over more pete wentz.
droolfest06'

love me when i'm gone

2006-05-30T18:10:00.000+08:00

SWEET SIXTEEN(:

I hereby declare today one of the best birthdays ever. I loved today and i guess what my mum said was true, its not the size of your party or a party that matters, it's who you spend your special day with. I'm glad i spent my day with you guys and i truly love you all alot.
i went to school and was high with the usual gang
a special thanks to gummy and val , wished me at twelve.
GUMMY, THANKS FOR TUURNING SIXTEEN WIMME(:

was so high and hyper, thank you to cheryl and gummy for the delicious cake, kiran for the hug and paro for the messages. Thank you daddy and valerie chua AKA gramma for roaming around with me, gummy included(:

thank you for all the messages. I love you all more than you will ever know.

- lots of LOVE AND KISSES, SHIVUU(:

2006-05-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE

as i am typing this entry, i'm aware that if mum were to catch me in the present state that i am in now, i might as well wish i was never born, ironic that i should say that when tomorrow is my birthday.
i'm wearing an old t-shirt, sweat pants, i have glitter on my face and glue on my hands. My hair is haywire and i'm illegally using the computer. My room is a mess form all the craft supplies and my walls are as bare as a baby's bottom.
funny, i dont feel young and lively, in fact its quite the contrary. I feel tired and lathargic, like a woman who works overtime with little or no pay.

i have two hours to complete a shitload of homework and a forty page f&n project which is counted towards the o's.
i think i'm brilliant, even if no one else thinks i am.

sixteen years, nothing but a memory now.

2006-05-27T19:20:00.000+08:00

JUST GIVE IN WHEN YOU ARE READY TO PLAY

another day, another drama. I just love the abundance of drama i seem to have in my life.
if you can't comprehend or detect that the phrase above is dripping with sarcasm, please slap yourself ten times and ask your mum if she dropped you as a child.

NO SERIOUSLY, today involved tears, anger and a whole lotta ranting.
it's over now.
i'm basically grounded from six am to six pm.

SHOOTMENOW

cleaning out my room, new posters, new paint and what not.
i'm off to watch tv

OC MADE ME CRY

2006-05-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

" EH, JUST BREATHE IN AND SQUEEZE LA "
- kiran and parveen

a day out with my bambies(:
It's been a while my dearies but it was fucking awesome and i cant wait till we paint the town red again.
speaking of painting the town red, my nails are red and i'm dancing to BOOTYLICIOUS. i guess i'm enjoying myself and getting in all the HIGH before the weekend from hell comes. The weekend before my birthdau always sucks.

i got an early present already, my dearest cousins decided to play a prank. good one boys, i'm sorry it was ruined, but it was cool.
gummy, remember when i said i wanted a surprise, got it (:

i'm off to watch more orange county

hot boys, hot girls, corruption, sex, sand, sea, food.
i love this hot shit.

I LOVE YOU KI&PARV <3

2006-05-25T18:14:00.000+08:00

GIFT WRAPPED, GUILT TRIP KISSES LEFT YOU NAKED ON YOUR BED

KAI is the bestest most wonderful gummy in the world
you stupid fucker, you're not even welcome here and you dare insult everyone as well as cause stupid conflicts, one last chance, stop taggin or coming to my blog OR meet us personally so we can sort this fuck out, or would you rather we find you and kick your smelly behind. Your choice bitch.

so maths, oc and manga. another productive day if i do say so myself.

I question who i am sometimes, like today.
i was lying on my bed this morning stoning while panic! at the disco's i write sins not tragedies was blasting. I was totally into the music. Then a thought occured to me, " what am i "
not what am i in the human or alien sense, i mean i HUNDRED PERCENT KNOW I'M AN ALIEN :D
but in the social ladder sort of thing. There are nerds, jocks, cheerleaders, bimbos, emokids, goths, punks, rebels, poets, dramatics. I'm not a jock or a cheerleader, but i am a little bit of everything else, which is disturbing really because then i am just like everybidy else? or am i an outcast?
its the same way you ask yourself, am i insane? or am i the only sane one?

ahh the mind of a teenager.
tell you what, when you find out how the teenage mind works, gimme a call yeah

sayonara

2006-05-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

TENIR DESSUS SUR MOI, NE JAMAIS ME LAISSER VONT

in total, i watched six hours of OC drama today. I must say it makes me feel thankful that i do not have to endure incest relationships and sex crazy ex boyfriends. *touches wood*

tomorrow seems promising, math revision, ouran high, a fresh journal and more OC drama.

JOY

Top Five Songs Being Played ( at the moment ) On My itunes

1) A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More " Touch Me " - Fall Out Boy
2) I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
3) Snitches And Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers - Fall Out Boy
4) Dance Dance - Fall Out Boy
5) The Patron Saints Of Liars And Fakes - Fall Out Boy

2006-05-24T11:43:00.000+08:00

DAITE, DAITE, DAITE, SENORITA!

my tagboard is being invaded. i think it's pretty funny actually, i mean if you fell into a well which you claimed to have done, you would be samara and you would also be pretty much dead frm the slashing of your wrist and that would make it physically impossible for you to actually find a computer and access the internet to come all the way to my blog and tag, you make me feel special. Anyways, to make it clear, i dont have any boys in my life. and i'm still waiting, six more days yeah, WAITING(:

KAI IS THE COOLEST GUMMY ON EARTH YOU FREAK, SHE CAN SAY WHATEVER SHE WANTS ON MY TAG BOARD.
BODYGUARD LOVE GUMMY!

i did'nt go to school today, i'm not going tomorrow either. I watched OC this morning, early morning drama. Just what the soul needs. Seriously, the amount of drama on the OC is soo surreal. I tell you if it happened in my life, i would have slit my wrists and jumped into a well too, thanks for the tip anon. I actually have nothing planned for today, i'll most probably finish the five and a half episodes of the OC i have left, then i might go rent the next twelve episodes, anna will be home later, i can go exchange manga with her.
i've finished absolute boyfriend, fushigi yuugi ( vol1-15 ), vampire knight ( vol 1- 2 ) and i'm gonna start on ouran high. I have new manga and anime sites to check out thanks to stephanie wang, THANK YOU(:

Pete wentz is really a genius, musically and in every other aspect i guess. You know that he was humiliated when pictures of him in all his naked glory were leaked onto the internet right. I saw the pictures, it is actually nothing compared to the breast baring janet jackson and her breast buddy tara reid who never fails to pop one out for a quick snap by the paprazzi. Anyways, to promote one of the bands he has signed called the hush sound and their new album, he brilliantly made his humiliation into a publicity stunt, you gotta go check out the pictures to understand.
http://pinkisthenewblog.com if that link doesnt work that try this http://trent.blogspot.com

the links also have the latest gossip on teh biggest stars, if you like britney and lindsay, you'll love the site. if you scroll down the recent posts, there is a picture of a shirtless joel madden. He's with hilary duff, i cannot emphasise how much i wanna roll my eyes.

The oc beckons.
i'll be posting later on the summer sonic festival and manga.
sayonara.

2006-05-23T18:24:00.000+08:00

ATTACK OF THE FUCKTARDS - EPISODE TWO

i'm going to ask the age old question, " could we humans get any stupider?"
it would seem as though the answer would be no right, but right under our dirty little noses there are those who are rapidly declining in the intellectual ladder. they just keep going from stupid to stupider. It's sad really, but we must not be mean and tease, we must be supportive and kind. Maybe then these poor tortured souls will regain some sense of mind or a brain for that matter and stop being menaces to society. So my dear annonymous, i await a wonderful surprise on my birthday and i already know who you are, so when i see you, i hope you expect a wonderful surprise aswell. I know you hate me you bitch, but see i'm a bitch too and i hate you as much. Its equal, so when i said leave me alone i meant it. Have a good life. you're not welcome on the blog so click the little red box on the right hand side of this screen and leave, your absence is much appreciated.

today was BORING, i have yet to watch moonchild and i still have ten OC episodes to watch.
i shall do just that

to you, i like it when you roll your eyes, it makes your face that much less nauseating. OH and you're monkey looks cool too.

payback's a bicth

2006-05-21T11:04:00.000+08:00

THE PATRON SAINTS OF LIARS AND FAKES

i'm through with you and her, i tried and i've waited. i've been patient and calm, but i'm through.
i'm sorry val.
i'm here yet i'm not because like you said before, there are so many things we have to concentrate on this year, she being in your life and assuming postively stupid things gets me worked up for nothing. i dont think the world revolves around me, but she thinks it does because maybe i did not phrase my plea to her correctly, but hey, who cares right, i have other things to do than to bicker with her.
so there, i'm done. FINISHED.

had a wonderful time at mel's house yesterday, her dad cooks really well and her cat is sooo cute. we played sparklers at the playground and tried to burst the green thingey. LOL.
town was fun(:
i dont really feel like blogging much today, i just want to relax.
thanks mel(:
daughter loves daddy(:

2006-05-20T13:59:00.000+08:00

dare ni mo tomerarenai tsunoru kanashimi yo
dokomademo ochiteyuke, motto fukaku
doredake kurushikutemo bokura o hanasenai
kono karada ga kuchiru made dare ni mo kesenai

No one can stop the rising sadness
Until the very end it falls down, deeper
No matter how painful it is, we can't let go
Until my body rots away, no one can erase it

white eyes, GACKT

2006-05-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

A SWIRLING MASQUERADE OF SOUND

apparently my shorts falling off in the middle of 7/11 is "alright la" according to my very hyper mother.
mum and papa ( how odd ) decided to go on a late night drive to ghim moh. They dragged me along, saying that family bonding was needed and that ice cream was involved. How can i give up free ice cream. PLUSPLUSPLUS, i saw this hot angmoh guy. even mum said he was cute. TOLD YOU SHE WAS HYPER. dad was hyper too, i call him papa when i want something, so i wanted money for tomorrow and i begged and pleaded PAPA.
:D
i ate my ice cream and now i'm blogging, i actually had a lot to type before, but guitar teacher came and i had to cut whatevere i wanted to say short.
VALERIE came over today (: we had alot of fun, did some lazing in the living room while watching drake&josh, then we ate like pigs, we ordered macdonalds on the way home. After that watched a bit of a movie and lazed sommore. we experimented with liquid and solid mascara, she helped me find and outfit to wear tmr ( i seem bimbotic -.- ) and she helped my pain my nails ( black of course) DUHH!
towning tomorrow with mel, serene and val. after that we re going to mel's hosue for dinner, her daddy is cooking for us.
thank you mel and mel's daddy(:
we're gonna have fun.

i'm a mess of emotions and thoughts now, i dont know if i'm angry or sad. i guess a bit of both, i'm finally giving up and i hope you dont ever come back.
i don't regret you, i regret what i did. YOU'RE MY FAVORITE MISTAKE.i'll always have something special for you, no matter what i say or do. no matter what anyone says or does.it's just that you'll never know.
one last time, i love you
NO! scratch that, i LOVED you.

tell me everything and watch me cry.

2006-05-18T18:07:00.000+08:00

PRAYING FOR LOVE IN A LAPDANCE

i'm singing my lungs out to all the song in all my playlists. I played my heart out during tennis and i got all sweaty and sticky, and it felt good. I'm enjoying myself now because i know i upset my parents and i have to face the music. Sooner or later i'm gonna get totally SCREWED, i rather sooner, i dont want anything to affect my sweet sixteenth.

thanks to gummy, daddy, bang, girlfriend and orange for making me feel better, i'll try not to SCALP you (:
(insidejoke)

i had a nightmare last night, i dreamt of the dead girl in doll master. OMF, i was soo scared, i din sleep after that. I left my reaidng light on and stared at the ceiling, before i knew it, i was time for school. I think i was sleeping with my eyes open because i dont feel tired at all. can humans sleep with their eyes open? i know fish can, and so can some reptiles.

http://colinandkero.blogspot.com/
the link above is that of the bloggers,colin and kero. I stumbled upon it when i was at someone's blog. I can't remember where. anyways, i think homosexuality, though it may be a sin and forbidden in my school, its a sensitive issue for both the person in question and the people around the person. i must admit, the relationship the two in the blog above have is sweet, i mean ive never seen a MAN/GUY/BOY show so much love to another human being, they usually show this much love to the female anatomy. Maybe not all, but a fair few.
I don't know why, but i feel really really sorry for them. They have such a sweet relationship, though MEN but sweet and true nonetheless. I mean i know many of you will take a look at them and say
" eeyyerr, gay!! " and then laugh, HELLO, take a look around you, homosexuality is as abundant as the air we breathe in society now. Maybe if they were respected and looked at differently, those of you who have "issues" with yourself and the rest of the world will shut up.
i'm not gonna talk or even argue about lesbianism because its a closed chapter in my school.
but my friends know my views and thats all that matters, but the boylovesboy issue was a bit disturbing. why discriminate against them? i mean their blog is for them to express their feelings for one another, not for you to criticise and tease right. calling them gay is correct, but how you call them gay is wrong. They are a gay couple, but not gay in the way you mean it. I dont think you will understand what i'm saying but just know that its wrong to crisicise them.
GAY is not a term for a guy who is a sissy or feminine, that would be sexually confused.
Gay means happy and it can mean every other thing you want it to. I think its a foul name for someone to be labelled.

i feel better now.
i think the problem with the world now is that no matter how techonologically advanced we are and no matter how much " outofthebox" thinking we do, we are still the same narrow minded, stereotypical human beings we were and we will always be.
Its human nature i guess.

i know this blog entry may cause anger in some, but to each his own and its a free world, i can express my views and if its not to your liking, you can ignore them

this is just who i am.

2006-05-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

A RUNWAY IN CHICAGO

there are moments in time which i wish i could freeze and collect in a bottle. Where i can lose myself no matter what the time, day or place. this entire day was one giant moment which i want to keep. I'm not going to go into the details and all because i feel like it was special, i was happy and i had alot of fun. It maybe selfish of me not to share what happened and stuff, but it was sort of a spur of the moment kind of fun and the you had to be there kind of fun. HAHA.

i watched doll master, i liked the moral of the story but i was pretty spooked.
screamed alot.

my brother did well, he's gonna apply for RI.
good for him, at least there is one genius in the family, my mum can compensate for my black sheep behaviour with my brother, thank goodness she had another child.

and i cant stop thinking about you, shoot me three times, once in my head and twice in my heart.

i wish i never did.

2006-05-16T18:46:00.000+08:00

ATTACK OF THE FUCKTARDS

so like most blogs, i'm under attack by the HIDEOUS annonymous tagger who write useless comments on my blog on my life and my way of doing things because he/she is living such a sad and twisted life that they rather come bother mine. for your information bands like p!atd and fall out boy like it when they are publicised on the internet by their fans, they even allow videos of their concerts to be placed on the net, i'm just using their lyrics. If that is such a problem for you, then stop reading my blog. Go away, find some other hobby because seriously, so what if i'm not original. You dont even know me, dont jump to stupid fucking conclusions.

SO TO ANGRY FAN: i may be singaporean and i may use their lyrics, but i used them for a reason. its because i'm a huge anough fan that i want them impacted in my life, i want their lyrics and music to relate to my life. Aband is more than a music provider, i think you're the idiotic one for not respecting other people and their views. i would appreciate it if you never tagged on my blog ever again. Thank you.

sun, sand and sea.
well mostly sun and sand.HAH.
i barely got wet but i had sand everywhere. the beach was awesome, had tons of fun and there were some weirdos there too.
thank youkiran for inviting me and we must go again sometime (:
I'LL KICK THAT PERVERTED MAN IN THE GROIN!!
i'm not in the mood to blog about my day, it was good though so i guess that's all that matters.
i'm gonna go watch a movie now.

run-

2006-05-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

POUR THE CHAMPAGNE

unexpected, unbelievable, unwanted.
that basically sums up my day. BUT gummy always says to count the good things that happens in the day and then decide if it was a good day or a bad one.
WISE GUMMY :)

the entire morning was a waste of time! seriously, the f&n paper was a killer, they might as well not given me the paper, a straight F in GIANTWRITING would have been more appropriate.
after my paper i played uno, read manga and ate with cheryl and pohmin. Mel, serene, renuka and athirah came after that and we went to town.
we went to take, kino to be more precise.
i found fushigi yuugi volume fifteen
ANNA IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I PROMISE I'LL GET OURAN HIGH THE NEXT TIME (:
they did not have vampire knight, i guess its still new and i should be patient.
PFFT yeah i'll be patient *rolls eyes*

uhmm so yeah for some unforseen reason, we all spilt up and were left quite fuming. serene and the rest went to heeren while daddy(mel) and i went to mtE for my dental.
WE HAD FUN IN THE WAITING ROOM lol.
there was a stupid poser!

after then we met serene and valerie chua heeren and i went in search for KIRAN'S birthday present (:
hahaha THANK YOU MEL FOR HELPING AND FOLLOWING ME TO THE DENTIST <3
DAUGHTER LOVES DADDY!

i took the bus home with serene and valerie chua.
they are so funny, i laughed alot. hahaha.
i needed some alone time after the rush of the entire day, i went to jelita on my own. i rented two movies and bought green tea and diet coke.
I watched SAVED just now. its good, if you're into the whole comedy surreal situation kinda thing.

TWELTH OF JUNE IS FAMILY OUTING DAY!
YAY! DADDY, MUMMY AND DAUGHTER (:

i can feel another story or poem coming on.
GUMMY I DEDICATE THE NEXT ONE I WRITE TO YOU. LOVES(:

running out of hearts.

2006-05-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

IF YOU WANT ME LIKE I WANT YOU, IF YOU NEED ME LIKE I NEED YOU, IT'S ALRIGHT.

i've been craving chocolate since yesterday. Mum bough me two kitkat chunky bars. YUMM

i had tennis this morning, i was so tired and my cramps were killing me. i think coach got a bit frustrated with my backhand. Picture an elephant wearing a tutu and dancing in a china shop. YEAH, disaster.

happpy mother's day to my real mother and MUMMY(:

i have a sudden burst of inspiration to write a short story, so this is it.
i call it BLOOD CRIME ( 血の罪 ) inspired by Matsuri Hino's Vampire Knight- volume two.
-
He sat on the cold bathroom floor. Beads of sweat clinging onto his face, tracing every line his pained expression painted. His eyes were bloodshot and his right hand clenched the drenched material that was his school uniform.
he huffed and puffed as he slid further and further out of his humanity. The blood tablets were a temporary relief for him, and everytime he saw her, yuki, he would lose his mind all over again. From the first night he tasted her sweet blood, he could never control himself. He loved her and fo four years he had kept his vampirism a secret, yet three nights ago, he bit her. Unknowingly, he had violated this pure and delicate girl.
He was having another fit again, this is what happened when his body called out for blood, when his animalistic insincts clawed through his skin. It would be the death of him and he did not care. As zero sat on the bathroom floor, waiting for his body and mind to fail him, he muttered three beautiful words " i love you "
-

hahaha, okay, that was stupid i know. but i couldnt help it. i twisted the story a bit and i plan on doing a fanfiction on this. i'll keep ya posted.

i'm off to cry over spilled milk.

2006-05-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

WHAT SECRETS LIE BEHIND HIS TORTURED EYES

it is during periods like this i wish i could get sucked into a book or an alternate universe or something.
maybe this is why i have escapism, which in dictionary terms means, to find escape in anything and everything.
maybe this is why i have obsessions which when at its peak, like now, make me block everything out and just concentrate on the obsession in question. i guess you're gonna wonder why i'm conciously embracing escapism, i guess its because it's excatly what i need in my life.

i need a place where all that i think and do matters to someone, where trivial matters mean nothing and everyone is happy. so fucking cliche' right, but maybe a cliche' is what i need. a plain simple old fashioned happy ending.

a book, something so simple, pages with words of another. feelings, thoughts, actions. all done or imagined by another human being.

so like i've done a million times before, i'll pretend nothing happened, i'll bury my head in a good book and i'll plug in my ipod.

" halleluja, lock and load "

i love all of you, i hope you know that.
even if we don't talk, i still care about all of you.
and even though now i wish i was out of this hell hole, i still miss the old times.
everything is so different now, its so different that i want to kill time.
maybe if i stopped time, everything will stop changing and if everything stopped changing we could just turn our notches a little and become the same people we were one year ago, six months ago, two weeks ago, even a day ago.

" champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends "

pete wentz was once asked " what do you do when you get hurt by the ones you love "
he answered " write a record calld take this to your grave "

artistic depression at its best.

2006-05-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

STUPID CUPID, YOU'RE A REAL MEAN GUY.
I'D LIKE TO CLIP YOUR WINGS SO YOU CAN'T FLY.

i dont like cupid. cupid is mean and is really a biker dude in a cute angel's body.
STUPID CUPID.
have you ever wondered if cupid has his own personal cupid to help him find a lady cupid so that they can have little baby cupids?
yeah, i'm mentally unsound so i have thought and wondered about the strange mating and dating habits of cupid and like i've mentioned a gazillion times, twice in this entry alone, cupid is stupid.
hands downperiodnoquestionsaskedFULLSTOP.

LOVES VAL
we went to peninsular plaza to get my fob stuff, i got a fall out boy t shirt and two clandestine logo things.
we went to cine's kfc after that and heeren, then we went to jelita and i got popstar, this movie with aaron carter in it.
yeps.
we must go out again, today was fun haha.

so the movie was good, if you're the hopeless romantic kind then you'll love this.
i think my prince charming or my "popstar" lost his map or something, or he could have been killed by an evil fire breathing dragon who is so feirce and tensed because he is sexually deprived.
siggh, i think MY fairytale is screwed up, but val always says my time will come.
so for now i'll stick to my kissable list, my hot celeb list and pete wentz. at lease until the dragon gets some action, stops being so deprived and angered or until HE finds the map again.

i really really need therapy and pills.

ps: aaron carter is cute, i've added him to THE LIST.

2006-05-10T15:39:00.000+08:00

THE " THING " SNIFFED HER

i love wasting my time with my friends, today was no different.
after the killer math paper i ate with val, renuka, athirah and cheryl.
we were laughing like retards, then serene and mel joined us.
mel left first, then val for lit and then serene.

AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR.

so there we were, renuka, athirah, cheryl and i. Alone and so very very very BORED.
naturally when you put four very bored and hyper teenagers together, you get all sort of trouble.
haha, but see we're good girls, so instead of waiting for trouble to find us, we went in search for trouble.
our mini adventure, that's what i call it.

we were scared, actually athirah and i were scared, cheryl and renuka were the first to enter the basement and they had to pull us in. athirah wanted something to cling onto, i gave her my jacket.
we went down the first flight of stairs, the basement was eerily quiet except for out footsteps and some sort of generator.
athirah and i , especially me, were scared, so we ran when we saw the second exit, that was my "encounter".
i did not know "it" was there till they told me when we came out of the basement. i actually put my hand through it!
creepiness major.
haha but it was fun.

the abandoned school near my house next? i'm up for it :D

we spent the next forty five minutes talking and laughing, oh did you know that the large school picture outside the hall has a headless student. YEAH! cheryl and i didn't know till renuka and athirah told us and we went to investigate. it's real.
0.0

that was about my day, i'm waiting for anna to get home. we're gonna hang out (:
going to get my clandesting sticker thingey tomorrow.
i can't wait!
CLANDESTINE!!!

a fucking deathwish.

ps: read athirah's LJ for our hilarious conversations and Bo Bice looks like Ozzy Osbourne.
randomness.

2006-05-09T14:36:00.000+08:00

LITTLE HISTORY FAIRIES AND TINY BIO SPIRITS

my brain has malfunctioned, totally goo-like now.
i think it has to do with the bio spirits and the history fairies, they're bloody annoying and by tonight if they don't stop buzzing in my goo-like brain, my math paper two will be all about the reproductive ways of the plant and hitler's expansionist theory.

history was okay i guess, i expect to fail or do really badly for almost everything.
-.-

valerie lenora portia is at my house now, SHE SAYS HI!
she's curled up in my blanket and reading a book.
we went macdonalds after the paper, but before that i took two hours cause i was ebing absolutely retarded with che-wol and gummy (:

we saw some very interesting people and macs, there were these ACS boys and they were studying history, they saw a bunch of our girls and they went like " LESBIANS!"
it was funny when one of the girls like retaliated, they were shocked.
stupid boys

i'm hyper now.

GAFUCK(:

2006-05-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

WHEN YOU KISS ME AND STOP ME FROM SHAKING

i think i have contemplated throwing my bio books out the window about ten times today.
it sucks even more, now that i know what people think, but it doesnt matter because i think the exams are gonna prove them wrong, i'm not smart or hardworking.
i'm just a lazy girl who only works well under pressure, and this time, even though the pressure is like shit loads, i'm still not working hard enough, thats why every damn paper is so difficult and i wont be surprised if the bio paper tomorrow totally screws me over, so dont piss me off tomrrow, i'm not in a good mood and i wont be in a good mood.
i promise you i will shout at anyone who pisses me off.

listening to my itunes library at random to calm myself down, i think the anger and stress was like emmitting in waves through my aura, because my dog was shit scared of me when i went to check on her..

literally SHIT SCARED, i dont even wanna go there.

i hate exams

2006-05-06T23:06:00.000+08:00

YOU THINK I'M STUPID, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT IT'S CUPID

my eyes are tired and weary as i sit near the glowing screen. my nose is itching for a hearty sneeze and my toes are frost bitten. the covering consisting of my comfiest sweatpants, black tank top and white cardigan are doing nothing to keep me warm. my hair is a bird's nest and i think i look like a just got fought with bees and my brain is overflowing as i think about the horrible morning i'm going to have. i look at the clock and it shows an hour to midnight, i sigh inwardly as i prepare myself for another late night.

sorry for that uhmm awkward beginning, i was itching to write something.
anyways, i thought i should blog before i begin some history.
i hit my middle toe and its throbbing horribly, its a purplish colour and i cringe everytime i walk because its smarts like fuck.
not that i would knwo whether fucking was painful or not but yeah, you catch my drift.
i would think you caught my drift because if you didn't, then i'm sorry honey, you're not quite intelligent.
bitchy moment over there, sorry, it's just that i've had enough of the pretty yet dumb people in our world.
yes i know, its stupid. but hey! i'm a different type of girl , its in my nature to disapprove of your barely-there clothing and your way too frizzy hair, you're over the top make up and you're so called stupidity, because really, no one is that stupid and the front you put up is for the male specie to enjoy and wank to.
sorry for being so blunt but yes, it's true. i thought this was the twenty-first century, what happened to female empowerment and feminism?
i think it went out the window with your virginity?
i'm sure, so slap me and put a sign on my back saying ugly depressed girl.
PUHLEASE!

anyway, the thing that sparked off this was this woman i saw at the restaurant i was at, she was wearing this micro mini and this NOT EVEN THERE top and she was being all STUPID. i wante dto throw some water at her, then she purposely dropped her fork to do this very "sEXY" move, oh wow, her partner's eyes will pop out.

DISGRACE

yeah i wear short skirts, BUT HELLO, i am decent about it and besides, WHEN I BEND DOWN YOU CANNOT SEE MY UNDERWEAR.

*rolls eyes excessively*

i'll end here, CHINA BECKONS.

screw you, wait no, let HIM screw you.

2006-05-06T12:37:00.000+08:00

THE GROOM'S BRIDE IS A WHORE

sleeping really is a glorious thing. I slept a total of ten hours and i feel good now.
although i was a bit depressed this morning, pms perhaps, but gummy cheered me up.
i have not touched history yet, OH how i LOVE the wonderful mistakes we made.
i'm thinking of perfecting CHINA and WAR IN THE PACIFIC or maybe GERMANY.
i don't know yet.

it's gonna be a late night.
history and bio O.0
but it's alright, i have valerie to keep me awake and to protect me from the weird noises.
creepy shit alright.

mommy's birthday was yesterday, i fell asleep before ten with the phone to my ear, did i not say i had weird expressions and random sleepy spells.
she woke me up and we sang for her.
it was a coffee cake, havn't had one of those is ages and it brought back memories of my gramma's old house in jurong.
it was a double storey hdb flat and i grew up there for the first four years of my life, since my mum started working after i was three months old.
yeah my grandmother raised me technically, but mum and dad were there after that so its all good (:
anyways, i remember the friday nights spent watching scooby doo and eating yoghurt and rice. gramma would feed me and grendpa would have his tall glass of whisky.
then i remember lazy sunday afternoons, lunch would be spent with daddy and uncle watching football while i watched tv upstairs and then the afternoons would be spent with gramma's delicious sweets and aone old tamil movie. yeah, i used to watch tamil movies before, i owuld read the subtitles.

now i'm all sad again, i like the nostalgic feeling, i mean it makes me stop whatever i was doing and smile a lil, but i hate the feeling after, when you realise that things are not like how they were and life is so very different.

i'm too old to sleep in my gramma's house, she's a little too old to look after my brother and i plus my little cousin, so i see her on sundays and perhaps some sat nights, but now coz of the exams she doesnt want me to go there and waste time, she comes over and brings like snacks and stuff.

i miss the times when i was younger.
it seems everything is just so big now, and in the big design, we're tiny insignificant specks.
when we are smaller, naive and younger, every little thing you do means something to someone.
now when you're older, wiser and more aware, you relaise that you've done it before, so why should someone care if you laugh or smile or cry.

i don't think i'm making sense.
i hate being a girl sometimes, gives you pms, which makes you think way too much for your own good.
hmph

lock me up.

2006-05-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

TO THE KISS IN YOUR CAR

i'm sleepy today.
i fell asleep countless times, at random moments, with classic expressions.
they should make a movie of my every move, i think i make the stupidest expressions around.
joe says i have a clit face.
whatever that may be.

geography was a killer, lets just say i'm glad its over.

this blogskin is boring me, i want to change it.
but see the thing is, the poor souls who make blogskins, have not discovered this amazing phenomenon called FALL OUT BOY.
so yeah, i'm STUCK.
and no, even if i pray i doubt GOD will take time off his important duties to tend to a girl who is irritated with her blogskin because she is PMSING.
don't worry GOD, i understand, and i'll still be as irritated as ever once you get to me, so take your time, i'm not going anywhere.
besides, i ate too much today, like literally, so i'm too BLOATED to move.

i need to go sleep, i'm sleep deprived.

a heart a did'nt break.

2006-05-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

A FEVER YOU CAN'T SWEAT OUT

the geography book is in front of me, the shower is waiting for me, my bed is warm and inviting.
i have a geog exam tomorrow, i'm stinky and i'm bloody tired.
i havnt studied, i havnt showered, i havnt slept.

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT
should i do?

i have a couple of options-
option one: sleep and fail
option two: jump off a cliff
option three: sleep, wake up and study
option four: finish this stupid entry, take a shower and study till twelve.

yeah, i'll do option four.
OH HOW I LOVE EXAMS.

love me, then throw away the key.

2006-05-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR BEING YOU, BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR HATING IT

today it's all about the big bold orange words at the very start of this short entry.
so today was interesting, i was high and dilerious from the lack of sleep, since i slept at four this morning, and i guess a bit irritable.
i'm destined to fail geog and maybe math. i'm not sure about chem, i mean i studied alot for chem, i just need to read through again.
i'm falling ever so in love with pete wentz all over again, not to mention fall out boy.

twenty seven days till my birthday, twenty seven days till i find out if i can go for summer sonic, twenty seven days till i get my bass guitar, twenty seven days till i get my clandestine stuff and finally, twenty seven days till i'm sixteen.

i'm a freakishly weird child.

2006-05-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU SCREAM

have you ever felt things which make you cry for no reason, felt so helpless that even the smallest thing triggers the waterworks. i'm feeling like that now and i cant believe i let the waterworks flow again. i swore to not cry, but within the past three days i've cried everyday.
how can i trust you when all you've done is let me believe the lie you've been singing and how dare you let me keep believing. i can't believe i cried because of it. i thought you said we were friends.
a friend never does this, a friend would'nt do this.
i sit at the table every single fucking day and usually its okay because i cant help it if they dont wanna talk to me, i thought at least you would. but no, i felt so outcasted as i sat there and ate, then i left.
i dont see why you're annoyed when i should be. but in fact i'm not. i'm just sad. so sad and hurt because i thought you were different. i thought you actually cared when in fact you were/are just like the rest of them. you will never realise that this post was about you and you will never realise how sad you've made me. i'm not even angry. no one has made me this sad, not even that fucker. i guess i really thought nothing bad would happen, but it is and i hate every fucking second of it.

school was fine, i'm drained of all emotion as valerie calls it. after school headed to macs with athirah and valerie. we ate and talked. alot of things have been uncovered and like i said above, i'm sad. so yeah. i guess that's about it. nothing else to blog about i guess. oh, i'm taking out my tag board. there is no real need for it anymore. maybe i'm a coward because i dont want you to comment about what i said above but then again maybe you are if you cant come up to me and talk about it. i'm giving you a week, and i know for a fact that others are not even giving you that.
i'm sorry to you, but i'm mostly sorry for being an idiot to myself.
val always says you can't trust anyone and i never believed her, until now.

enterrez-moi dans la mémoire

2006-05-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

HEY KID, YOU'LL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN

i'm so tired. i'm so tired that i cant sleep.
slept at four yesterday, managed to get in geog and chem plus a litttle bit of math. i dont think it's enough though, still not very indepth. i woke up this morning and had tennis training, i worked my butt off and now i'm watching simple plan speak in french.

i'm not the biggest simple plan fan in the world, but the're concert was the first punk/rock one i went for and it was awesome. they have great stage presecnce and they came out for encores and all. pierre also sounds great live and when he gets all hyped up, his cheeks become red and rosey. ADORABLE!
(:

i just realised that i really really have a THING for musicians. and if the musician in question writes songs and has this emo mysterious thing about him, i'll just go weak in the knees. there's something about a tortured soul which gets me all high. haha.

PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ - bassist, lyricist, background vocalist and founder of fall out boy
DAVID PHILLIPE DESROSIERS - bassist and background vocalist for simple plan
PIERRE CHARLES BOUVIER - vocals for simple plan

pete was asked to comment on simple plan and he said that he would SNOG david, but first he would hafta get david wasted.
that would be hot (:

OMFG, i'm so retarded, this is what lack of sleep does to you. makes you all high and hyper till you feel a little faint and hallucinate a little.

more simple plan videos and pete stuff (: (: (:

ps: i like actors too, haha thats for my next post.

2006-04-30T11:54:00.000+08:00

SMIRKING BETWEEN DIGNIFIED SIPS OF HIS DIGNIFIED PEACH AND LIME DAIQUIRI

random dreams about bombings, bitches, mum, haunted houses, body shop and lost handphones. I wonder what kind of " dream land" my brain goes to when i sleep. they say what you dream is usually what your soul is doing when you are asleep. so that would mean my soul was fighting terrorist bitches attempting to kill my mum and my mum and i running all around a shopping centre looking for my lost handphone three times as the shopping centre changed to a hanunted house, finally we found the phone at a body shop on the top floor, but a mob of girls in polka dots chase us as the head bitch laughs her fucking brains out, the dream ends when we are all stuck in a bomb shelter ( bitches included) and everything around us explodes.

I woke up in a horrible mood after that, what the fuck, who wants to dream about bitches and bombings. i wanted to scream my friggin lungs out so i took that as an accuse to scream at my brother who at NINE AM IN THE MORNING finds playing table tennis appropriate. like WTF LA!
he's been on the table tennis obsession since my dad got him this table tennis set, if he plays with it anymore i'm gonna stuff it up * cannot be named area*
THE TICKTICKTICKTICKTICK is bloody annoying.

i'm pissed off now.
let me drown in my music peacefully.

fuckoff.

2006-04-29T16:35:00.000+08:00

LETS GET THESE TEEN HEARTS BEATING FASTER, FASTER!

i have MODIFIED my dream to meet fall out boy. its really really long, so i wont explain everything but i've added panic! at the disco and rhianna, weirdest combination ever, but i'm nauturally freaky so it's nothing new.

i'm actually a little high on my medication now
omf, that made me sound like some drug addict or something 0_0

i updated my friendster profile thingy, its green&black now.
OOHHH
i've been going on ebay alot and i've found soo many things which i want!!
lets see,
fall out boy tie, fall out boy earrings, fal out boy wristband, fall out boy navel ring, fall out boy belt, fall out boy sneakers and fall out boy jacket
PLUSPLUSPLUS
my chemical romance tie [:

i'm a happy fuck now.
BUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUT
mommy has been busy so i cant make an account on ebay, that sucks major but shw sais she'll ask her boss in the US, so that's not soo bad.
ANDANDAND
my cousin says that there is this place where they sell band tees and the clandestine logo sticker, SO hopefully when i go, they'll sell the clandestine line
double YAY!

EMOFUCK

TO HANDS BETWEEN LEGS, TO WHATEVER IT TAKES, TO DRINKS AT THE BAR TO THE KISS INSIDE YOUR CAR.

2006-04-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'VE GOT ARROGANCE DOWN TO A SCIENCE

i smell like fish, not cooked fish or dried fish, but DEAD,UNCOOKED FISH
SALMON to be more precise.
ohohohPLUSPLUS
prawns too.

eyyerr, i smell, i got wet in the rain and i'm cold.

so after the three papers, val and i left for jelita, we met eyecandy and then we left after i bought all my ingredients and stuff. so yeah, got home and cooked and yepps. thank you val and eyecandy LOVES(:
ps: eyecandy isn't real eyecandy, it's just a codename

now, the three papers, english was ALRIGHT, social studies was screwed, need i say more?
i dont think so.

i'm sleepy and hungry.

BOOFUCK!

2006-04-27T15:44:00.000+08:00

WE'RE STILL SO YOUNG AND DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION

i stayed home today, mum said she wanted me to rest and to try and study
i tried and it was quite productive considering i am dog tired from all the medicine and my tummy is as uneasy as ever PLUSPLUS i'm having this strange reaction to my cream. my eyes are watering and burning nonstop but they are not red.
i think i'm weird.
I'm supposed to be having tuition now, ss test tmr.
i'm gonna do badly because i cant seem to remember much.
i'm not really that worried because singapore history is not required in australia, neither is food and nutrition but since f&n is so closely connected to bio i have to do my best for it.
as for social studies, i've tried my best and its up to my brain and the difficulty of the paper tomorrow.
OHH
english paper is tomorrow as well, i have not been doing much english at all, close to zero, so i doubt i will do well, hopefully i'll pass.

i watched this interview with TATU, they claimed not to be lesbian but they kissed in a recent inteview. One of them, the one with the short hair, has a baby and the one with the long hair kissed a DUDE in a russian video. their songs before were on the love they shared and how they were gonna be together no matter what the world thought, now its more like they are finding interest in men and they prtray emotions like regret, jealousy and maybe a small tiny amount of love. i think they are unique, PLUS they have two brilliant records. After TATU i went on to falloutboy, DUH. i dont have to say anything about them because i think everyone knows how obsessed i am with them and how i think they are absolutely THE BEST.
i just watched PANIC! AT THE DISCO. i have a thing for guitarists/bassists/leads/vocals of both fob and p!atd. ryan ross from panic! is adorable, their lead singer is also not bad, brendan i think.

OHOHOHOH

i saw this picture of this guy, he was soooo hot! he looked just like how i always prtrayed my emo prince to be like. *screams and faints*
BUTBUTBUT
it's impossible for dreams and desires to become reality so i'll just stick to my rockstar gods.

colour me black and call me cheerful.

2006-04-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

I'LL KEEP SINGING THIS LIE IF YOU'LL KEEP BELIEVING IT

one hour of social studies later..

second entry of the day, i either really have no life or my muse is really growing.
i think it's the latter. now if only the social studies fairy would flap her little glittery wings and throw some magical fairy dust on my head that would enable me to memorise my textbooks from cover to cover, i'd be ecstatic.
unfortunately, this is not some fairy tale, so i better sprout MY glittry wings and memorise the textbooks myself. I brought this upon myself really, this is what happens when you are irresponsible and lazy, you cant catch up and this will probably lead to you failing or somthing.

procrastination. TSK

on a lighter note, i'm staying home tomorrow, so i have the entire morning to get my social studies done, then i'll do some english and voila, exams here i come, though i doubt i'll wake up early in the first place.

NEW MUSIC(:
yep, i've been introduced to some really good bands this week,
ATREYU and CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR

jessica introduced me to atreyu and their effing awesome(:
i found cute is what we aim for on my own, i was just randomly surfing purevolume.com,
under decaydance records and i found them. they are another band which pete signed :D

bloody brilliant.

with that, i'll go dream of the impossible.
NIGHTS

when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell, "i'm sorry" with a straight face?

2006-04-26T10:49:00.000+08:00

AUSTIN, WE HAVE A PROBLEM

so i got sent home today.
i couldn't breathe and was in pain
thanks to valerie for helping me, i'm sorry i left you alone i went home. believe me, i would rather be in school with you guys than alone at home.

dad came to pick me up, like so many people were sent home, sore eyes, fever and what not.
i think i was the weirdest case, i sat in the cold general office and FOCUSED on my breathing, all the teachers that walked passed were like staring.
paro came in halfway and she was worried, she hugged me
LOVES (:

dad brought me to the doctor, the doctor's was cold and the doctor was WAYY too cheerful.
i was too tall to fit on the small bed thingy. * blush*
dad bought me noodles to eat and i just ate. i feel like vomiting.
OHOH
i am stressed, tired and not eating properly according to the doctor. after that dad gave me this long talk about eating properly and that " you're not fat, just a big girl " thing.
i just listened, i appreciate him rushing down to school, i think he was having breakfast.
sorry and thank you daddy.

so now i'm off to listen to more falloutboy and then i'm gonna sleep on my mummy's bed and watch tv, i have the bruce bigalow, european gigalo dvd, i might watch it or sth. but i'll study later.

PETEWENTZISTALENTED(:

2006-04-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

YOU MAKE ME WANNA LALA

actually i just felt like saying that, no one makes me wanna "lala" because i have no one to lala for. if you catch my drift
anyways i'll prolly go all lala on you if you presented me pete wentz or fall out boy or something.
seriously, all i need right now is for some hot emo dude to come serenade me and i'll start smiling again.
i started the waterworks today, for no damn reason. i think its stress
luckily gummy was there to make me smile.
i'm sleepy, cant really type properly.
blog tomorrow, if i have time. i might just go on hiatus if things get really really REALLY bad.
thats just a maybe

:D

if i wished upon the brightest star, would i get you back?

2006-04-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

I'M TWO QUARTERS AND A HEART DOWN AND I DON'T WANNA FORGET HOW YOUR VOICE SOUNDS

i love wasting away my evening, after a tiring day, to BLASTING FALLOUTBOY and my comforter. only the sound of the band and my out of tune voice to comfort me and make me feel human.

sometimes i go through the entire day like a robot, i dont feel anything and whatever i feel is like minor compared to the huge emotional rush i get when i sit in front of this screen and think.
i think its amazing how i got sad, angry and happy, all in a span of like two seconds. i know it seems impossible, but it is possible
ask gummy, she's wise (:

alrights, so on to my day. pretty average, cept when i got totally spooked and almost cried
0_0
not gonna talk about it, haha humiliation is not pretty okay
haha
uhmm..
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

I GOT CALLED A BITCH AGAIN :D
my life is brilliant, i mean i know i'm a bitch but being PRIASED repeatedly for it is really just soo wonderfully wonderful that if you do it one more time i may just go pink in the cheeks and i might tap my feet together and SQUEAL WITH DELIGHT " golly gee"

FUCK YOU

HAHA, SERIOUSLY MAKING ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF

i'm messeging arterioles now and i'm drinking coke (:

I'M FUCKING HIGH NOW BECAUSE GUMMY IS EQUALLY HIGH AND BEING HIGH IS INFECTIOUS ESPECIALLY IF IT COMES FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS THE GUMMY DISEASE SUCH AS GUMMY HERSELF, SERENE :D

POISE&RATIONALITY

2006-04-23T22:44:00.000+08:00

FROM THAT MOMENT YOU'LL BE OUT OF PLACE AND UNDERDRESSED

nothing like a late night post before bed.

i just love the way many of the songs i listen to have this quick witted sarcasm which just drips venom and victimises so many people, yet its done so discreetly

that whole lotta shit up there was pretty random, haha inspired crap by p!atd.

i revised chem, math and ss today.
wow, thats alot considering i'm a lazy fuck who wants nothing to do with books, i'm content just listening to music and stoning on concert videos.

oh speaking of concerts, mum and dad made me an offer which made me scream for a good five minutes, i almost cried actually. see i casually brought up the summer sonic festival in osaka japan on august the eight during one of our family - after- dinner- puzzle thing.
i mean who would not wanna go!!!
FALLOUTBOY, HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS, ALL AMERICAN REJECTS, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, LINKIN PARK, AVENGED SEVENFOLD and so much more ALL IN ONE NIGHT!!!

so mum was like "okay" , and my dad suddenly said
" if you do okay and if you seem like you are working hard, i promsie you, that you can go"
I DROPPED THE PUZZLE BOX AND JUMPED AND SCREAMED.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

do you think they'll make it that easy? nooo, their perfect grades and working hard, i found out today, would be like four distinctions la. I CAN KISS FALL OUT BOY GOODBYE
*sobs*

SINGAPORE IS SMALL AND STUFFY.

hmph

bye bye falloutboy
bye bye japan
bye bye summer sonic festival
bye bye pete :(

2006-04-23T09:31:00.000+08:00

THE WORLD'S NOT WAITING FOR FIVE TIRED BOYS IN A BROKEN DOWN VAN.

it's nine in the morning and i'm already online, i've had my peanut butter and apples and i'm waiting and praying that it will rain, so that i dont have to go for tennis training.
but since this is life and life is fucking unfair, it will not rain and i, eventually, will have to go for training.

dad has to work today AGAIN and i'm sort of pissed off.
he and i were supposed to go hmv today so that i can get panic! at the disco and i also wanna get fall out boy's other cds.
PLUS, i need to get my ingredients for f&n, the practical is on thursday and i still dont know what i'm gonna cook.

IM S C R E W E D

i'm waiting for the " pete wentz gets punk'd video " to load.

i swear its friggin slow here, i mean the third one tree hill and oc season is already siring back in america, and here i'm waiting for them to show season two on satrworld. i know they've shown on channel five, but at what time? my mum would have kille dme if i stayed up that late to watch tv, let alone mindless shows which HAPPEN to have hot guys and a really good storyline.

atty: sorry my chatterbox is sooo annoying, i think so too, but i want a fall out boy skin and this one is simple, besides, i promise it will change soon

kai: ITS A BULL, haha CUTE EH

my computer is killing me, the internet conncetion keeps like coming on and off, it sucks.

ohohohohohohohoh

before i end, uhmm did you know that i saw pete wentz on one tree hill already, yeah he hit on peyton and perforemed a little less, then they all performed dance dance in the next episode they were in and finally pete, made out with peyton so THERE

THEY MADE OUT
AHHH
SCREW IT!

gotta go save the world -_-

2006-04-22T11:32:00.000+08:00

SENDING POSTCARDS FROM A PLANE CRASH, I WISH YOU WERE HERE

okay, so usually i put lyrics before my posts right, but i think change is good and i'm changing that ritual.
i'll put phrases or titles of songs, mostly fall out boy or panic! at the disco.

i like it when things are different, when we dont follow the latest trend or when we dont do what is expected of us.
i mean even life is like that. we could be eargerly anticipating something to happen, till the point where it's all we think about, all we talk about and basically the only thing we care about, but in the end it doesnt happen, or the result is below our expectations and we end up being so unhappy.
and, whats the point of following the crowd when all the crowd does is give in to the stereotypial human beings that control their sad lives.
my mum always says " if the crowd jumps off the cliff, will you jump too? "
i know you're immediate reaction willl be "HELL NO!" but really, what if that was your reality and that was the situation you were in, TO JUMP OR NOT TO JUMP? that would be running through your head, you'll be comtemplating it, i'm sure. Its in our human nature to follow not lead, we follow the one or two special ones who are deemed worthy of leading.
BUT, what of the one leading is a total and utter asshole.
thats why its nice when a community, a single person, a band, a movie star or a family does something which society will disapprove of, which people will talk about, which will leave every single person around you gaping and wondering about your sanity.

its not necessary to be different, i just wanted to point out how uniformly and how unaware we are about why and how we do things.

i was asked the other day
"why do you wear so much eyeliner?"
i answered
" because this is me and i like wearing an obscene amount of eyeliner"

we dont realise it when we so something totally 180 to what we are suppsoed to do too, well we will realise it, but usually too late to laugh or talk about it.

you know what, i really have no friggin idea why i wrote this post when i myself am restricted to give in to the latest trend, but i make little differences in my life which when, out in the open, make people raise their eyebrows.

ahaha, i'm an absolute retard.
but i love it anyway

(whatever "IT" may be)

BE MY EMO PRINCE(:

2006-04-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

HEARTS, LIES AND FRIENDS.

i know i JUST blogged, but i have this urge to do some serious typing. Even if all that i'm gonna type is BULLSHIT. i watched a little bit of saw, now i'm fucking freaked out.
i dont wanna elaborate but what freak kills people with their own minds, its like the time i watched hannible lector, EYYERRE.
i'm drowning everything in falloutboy now.

I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE IN FALL OUT BOY AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SONG WRITTEN ABOUT ME is blasting now.
i guess a feel a little better.

pete's sexuality is sort of bothering me, i mean i dont discrminate against homosexuality or whatever, but i wanna know the truth. i wanna know if he's really gay, straight or bisexual.
i really couldnt care less, i just want the truth

STRAIGHT OR GAY, JUST SWING IT ANYWAY (: - LENE, IT'S YOUR DUTY

so i guess i've worn out my urge to type, and im off to go watch more videos that involve fall out boy or pete wentz

2006-04-21T16:40:00.000+08:00

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

but it's better if you do ; panic! at the disco

another rocking band, panic! at the disco, signed by pete wentz so obviously they're good.

school was a BORE
VALERIE LENORA PORTIA BROKE MY ITSY BITSY LITTLE HEART, SHE DID NOT COME TO SCHOOL
:(
the only exciting thing today was the ghost in class.
LONG story
basically we were all spooked la

after school only like five people stayed for chem, i left, a quick stop to holland with girlfriend and orange
i bought a magzine with a LARGE FALLOUTBOY POSTER
i'm a happy shit(:
THANKS DADDY, FOR THE DONUT!

i left my card at home, so i had to walk all the way to the main entrance to my estate and it was friggin hot, i was melting. i'm solidified now because i'm in my super cold room.
i'm still in my unform, its friday baby! and i'm gonna laze on this pink computer chair till like six and then ATTEMPT to study.

right now i'm trying this new band also signed by pete wentz to decaydance records, october falls. they sound like a mix between falloutboy, the killers and panic! at the disco. doesnt sound as good as fall out boy though.
gonna listen to the academy is.. and the hush sound soon.

rhianna's SOS is playing now.
THATS HOTT

you got me looking for the rest of me.

2006-04-20T21:08:00.000+08:00

so i thought maybe i should blog again, i mean the other entry wasn't much a post was it, it was more like a declaration of love. HAHA
like i've said so many times before, i am mentally unsound and i suffer from obsessive compulsive behaviour. Before i went on to blabber about falloutboy and what not i actually wanted to take a trip back to when i had curly hair and my fats were everywhere.
lets see, i'll start from primary four and work my way up.

my obsession when i was ten was the colour pink. EVERYTHING i owned was the colour pink and my room is still that horrendous colour, pink is okay, hot pink is sexy and all that, i mean even pete wears hot pink, but baby pink or the princess pink is just fucking nauseating. EEYER!
hmm? when i was eleven, i think it was jackrussels, because i got a dog.
uhmm, when i was twelve, i think it was shakira.
yeps, in sec one, 13, it was blue, the boy band, same in sec 2. hmm? when i was fifteen it was good charlotte and simple plan. and now i still love GC & SP but fob is by far the best.
yes. so there, my obsessions

A LITTLE MORE TOUCH ME

2006-04-20T16:28:00.000+08:00

I'm good to go

And I'm going now

here fast

It could be worse

It could be taking you there with me

I'm good to go

But it looks like I'm still on my own

I'm good to go

For something golden

Though the motions I've been going through have failed

And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall

At a 100 miles an hour

saturday; fall out boy

i'm GREEEN today

seriously, not green as in envious, but green as in the colour GREENN

haha, i felt like eating something green so i bought green candy, then i felt like wearing something green, other than my unform, i bought ear sticks and green markers.

the markers were of different shades of GREEN

did i not say i was GREEN

haha

so anyways, school was fun today.

we only had math and english, in total one and a half hours of ACTUAL STUDYING

social studies teacher and f&n teacher were absent, i spent the entire time during f&n oogling at pete

THINGS I FOUND OUT ABOUT PETE WENTZ:

- he was suicidal before, he tried to kill himself with pills and was sent to the hospital

- his ex girlfriend looks like the lead singer of PCD

- he likes to take pictures of himself and his hair

- he wears women jeans, uk size 26

- he and drummer andy, were in four bands together before fob

- the cd titled " take this to your grave " was written for a girl in chicago

- he still likes this girl he wrote the entire cd for

(: HE'S FRIGGIN HOTT

to idolise someone would be to admire this person and to want to be like the person.

PETE IS ALL THAT AND SO MUCH MORE

i'm gonna like faint from all this soon.

i wanna write music like him, play the bass so perfectly

i wanan be able to capture every emotion just like he has, everything is so suttle in the lyrics, you will never know what they mean unless you really really really think about it. but to me, listening to the words and just screaming my lungs out, its so fucking clear.

everything i want YOU to understand, you never did, but the songs do.

everything i want to do or take a stand for, i dont, but the songs do and ultimately that's what matters right

its not just about going to concerts and buying cd's anymore

its about being hopelessly devoted to something or someone who feels like you and thinks like you and even if he doesnt know you, speaks to you, through music, through words.

i'm sure many of you will think i'm mad or hopelessly in love with fall out boy or pete, and yes dont think, its true i am.

HOPELESSLYDEVOTEDTOFALLOUTBOY

its not another teencraze.

even if his words are for some other girl, they've helped a whole lot. and if there is one thing i hope for, at this very moment, its that i'll always have their music, wherever i go, whatever i do.

my pen is the barrel of the gun, remind me which side you should be on.

2006-04-19T17:32:00.000+08:00

I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
But I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends

Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips
I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped
Back to your family cause I know you will be missed
So you can find a safe place, brace yourself

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me; fall out boy

my cure to growing older would be a lifetime SUPPLY of FALLOUTBOY, i'd never be sad or unhappy ever again
and if i slept with someone in fall out boy and got a song written about me, it would be anything but STUPID.

i'm depressed
pete did not answer my questions on fob.com
i think something is wrong with the posting thing, coz i've been trying for two days and i cant post anything, it keeps saying error AND the two questions that i DID manage to get through, he did not answer. AH i guess all superstars have limited time and he could probably answer the latest questions, he must get like over a hundred everyday, he only answered the first twenty something.

i'm high
pete is my idol, i IDOLISE him, his lyrics mean something to me, i know it sounds all fake and oh i think she's just saying this so she can sound mature and not teenybopperish at all. BUT ITS TRUE, AND I DONT DENY THAT I AM A TEENY BOPPER. EVERY FUCKING TEENAGE GIRL IS, a lil part of me will always be a teenybopper. anyways, i side tracked for a bit, i'm FUCKING HIGH because pete licks joe's guitar in dance dance, that is the most blooddy effing SEXIEST THING I'VE EVER FRIGGIN SEEN.

he opens the video with his geeky other half, followed by awesome opening bass and then some amazing twirls and movements, only to end off that wicked performance with a LICK. AHHH
ITS ABSOLUTELY BREATH TAKING
i guess i'm overreacting, but you should go watch it, his expression, movement EVERYTHING.
MESMERISING
*swoon*

i did okay for bio and i passed chem (:
the exams are around the corner, i have barely studied.

ask me anything on fall out boy or pete wentz and i can tell you ALMOST anything
ask me something associated with the reproductive system in plants and i'm sure you'll get this awkward silence followed by a huge blur face -_-
thats the state which i am in

dad brought me to jelita today after school, i was watching all the people walk by. there was this eurasian girl wearing this ultra mini skirt and walking around like she owned the place, then there was this sji guy who was with his dad and was trying to hide his phone, like everytime his dad would turn around her would start messaging but as soon as his dad looked at him, he would hide his phone. he had like a very sad sad face, poor child.

misfits of society, haha, i'm one too

MISFIT OF SOCIETY (:

2006-04-18T13:27:00.000+08:00

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"
We're the kids who feel like dead ends
And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses
I took a shot and didn't even come close
At trust and love and hope
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it
And never had it at all

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so farI'm hopelessly hopeful, that you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth ( sumer song )
- falloutboy

i'm sick again
AGAIN
this is bad

i woke up at eleven thirty, ate, watched TRL with hopes of seeing FOB
i only saw like one third of a little less sixteen..
and they only mentioned the black clouds and underdog tour, they featured hawthorne heights not fob, even though fob is the main band.

fucketyfuck.

i'm seriously insane, even i know it.
ITS THE FEVER TALKING BABY
you know something, until this obsession blows over, which it will, i'm gonna relate everything in my life to fall out boy.
right now the most prominant thing is this fever which i am having
how is this related to fall out boy
they signed PANIC! AT THE DISCO ( another brilliant band) and their album is titled
" A FEVER YOU CAN'T SWEAT OUT "
i think they are implying dance fever, since they are called panic at the DISCO
but yeah, for my case it literally is a fever i cant sweat out, i like literally cant sweat.

i missed like history and english today
no biggie for english, because its not mdms, its some tecaher from this english thing, dont ask i dont know. but she is from new york and she is a bit cannot be botherd ya know. she like terats us like YOUNGYOUNG CHILDREN. how EXCITING

mum is buying for me all of falloutboy's cds:

- fall out boy's an evening out with your girlfriend
- take this to your grave
- my heart will always be the b- side to my tongue.
- from under the cork tree
( and if she can sugar, we're going down, the special cd.)

big smiles for that(:(:(:(:(:(:

i actually have most of the songs from all the cds, but nothing beats the real deal, know what i mean.
i agree with gummy when she said falloutboy is becoming more mainstream, compared to their earlier albums.
but mainstream or not, they still have that special something that only falloutboy can capture, they try to be different and the sound , look good while doing it
one of the greatest bands ever.

LET ME DROWN IN YOUR MUSIC

2006-04-17T17:51:00.000+08:00

I am such a sucker
And I'm always the last to know
My insides are copper
And I'd kill to make them gold
Conversation got me here: another night alone in the city
So make my bed the grave and shovel dirt onto my sheets

Every friend we ever had in common
I will sever the tie, sever the tie with you
You can thank your lucky stars
That everything I wish for will never come true

I've seen sinking ships go down with more grace than you
Turn this up I'll tune you out
Another night alone in the city, yeah
Fake it like you matter
that's a lie we can both keep, ohh

When you go, I will forget everything about you

sending postcards from a plane crash ( wish you were here ) ; falloutboy

i'm FRUSTRATED
abosolutely irrtable
throwing this stupid temper tantrum
annnoyed beyong belief
sad till i dont know if i should start crying, or start lauhing hysterically
so pissed off i could kick anyone in my way to the northpole

ARGH

i hate this okay
i usually get this obsessed and high for a band before i see them in concert or after the concert
see this is what usually happens when i have a sudden obsession
let see, for example if there is a band coming next week which i am gonna see, i'll be totally gaga over the band in question.
then i'll be so totally hyped and excited, all this hyperactiveness and excitement will be bottle dup inside me till the concert, where i will try to get as close as possible to the stage and jump and scream my fucking lungs out.

BUT

I AM NOT GONNA SEE FALL OUT BOY ANYTIME SOON
I AM NOT GONNA MEET PETE
I'M NOT GONNA SEE THEM EVEN IF THEY COME NEXT YEAR

please shoot me, then take my guts out and dry them in the sun
WHYY!! i'm OBSESSED BEYOND COMPREHENSION
PLUSPLUSPLUSPLUSPLUS

i've been watching videos of them perform live and their friggin awesome
i only cause misery upon myself.
i know its tsupid to be so in love with a band, but have you heard falloutboy? good charlotte?
BESTEST BANDS EVER
and they are like followed by my chemical romance, sugarcult, yellowcard and simple plan.

I'M A LIFELESS FANATIC WHO NEEDS MENTAL HELP, THIS JUST PROOVES THAT I SUFFER FROM OCB(OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOUR)

today was a BLURR
i only remember the chemistry,curry this val and i so stupidly did, how horrible the chem test was and that i got seventy percent of volume ratio shit but i still failed the test because i only got 2 marks for vectors.
EYYEEERRR

i'm off to cry over spilt falloutboy ans study.

2006-04-16T12:04:00.000+08:00

I'm sleeping my way out of this one
With anyone who will lie down
I'll be stuck fixated on one star
When the world is crashing down

I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
But you've got me looking in through blinds
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type

Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own

The only thing worse than not knowing
Is you thinking that I don't know
I'm having another episode
I just need a stronger dose

7 minutes in heaven ( atavan halen) ; fall out boy(:

i went to my uncle's house last night for dinner.
his house is really nice, i could live there.
anyways, mum has been looking for a new apartment.
she says we need a bigger house because i need a bigger room, i guess thats a good reason right.
but the thing is i dont wanna move, i'm happy here in my small room, its cozy and i guess its me
but mum is insistent that we move after the o levels, then i told her " i might not be in singapore and you wanna move"
she just brushed me off and dropped me home before going to see new houses.
i found this highly amusing

ahaha

anyway i realised something that got me in a depressing mode for a bout ten minutes.
i realised that all the fucking great bands are coming to singapore next year.

FALL OUT BOY, GOOD CHARLOTTE, SIMPLE PLAN, MANY MANY MORE PLUS MTV ASIA IS HERE NEXT YEAR ANNDDDD KIDS CHOICE AWARS WHICH MEAN CELEBS CELEBS AND MORE CELEBS PLUS FUCING WICKED MUSIC!!
ANDD THE WORST PART IS I MAY NOT BE HERE :(
I'LL WILL PROBABLY BE IN A STUFFY BOARDING SCHOOL IN ADELAIDE, THE QUIETEST TOWN IN AUSTRALIA. FUCKIT!

i think i'm mentally unsound.

yep, so had macs for breakfast and spent the morning watching fall out boy videos.
DO YOU KNOW THE PETE GETS KISSED IN THE DANCE DANCE ONE! i never noticed it before but i did this morning and i gagged on my milo.
HE KISSED HER! THERE WAS TONGUE!! FUCKFUCKFUCK
could my day get anymore depressing?
OH YES IT CAN, i just had to ask right
people dont make FALLOUTBOY SKINS. they do but they are all crappy and not my style, they have pete ones but he doesnt look good in them
I ALSO READ THIS FORUM PAGE THAT SAID THAT PETE IS GAY OR BISEXUAL, AHHH
I WANNA JUMP OUT MY WINDOW *sobs*

plus
I HAVE SO MUCH STUDYING TO DOO.. AHH
and i'm blogging, i'm BRILLIANT child.
BOOKS I SHALL TOUCH.

try to forget how it feels inside.

2006-04-15T17:01:00.000+08:00

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song

Sugar, we're going down ; FALL OUT BOYY

I HAVE A NEW OBSESSIONN
after like months of teeny bopperless behaviour, i'm back on track again
the victim, FALLOUTBOY'S PETEWENTZ.
AHHH
HE'S GORGEOUS OKAY!
i know everyone thinks i have weird taste in guys, but hey! WEIRD CAN BE SEXY OKAY
OMFG i'm obsessed, so obsessed that i cant think about anything else!!!
he's hot
he wears eyeliner, i love guys who wear eyeliner
he has black hair, jetblack, which has coloured streaks sometimes.
he has tattoos!!!
he has a hot fringe
OMG LA HE IS JUST HOT!

spent today at the f&n worlshop thing, then went to play with baby sophie
its her last week here before she goes back to germany
she ate my green scrunchie and she was drooling onto my phone, before i left she was screaming and giggling, adorable i tell you.
and she also did this weird hand raising thing, which looks strangely similar to the hitler hand thing.
haha
germany+baby= weird hitler-like hand movements
i'm retarded.
the rest of my day was filled with PETE WENTZ!
hahaha

leave me to my tongue wagging(:

2006-04-14T16:40:00.000+08:00

i'm just so tired
wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place
have a new name and face
i just aint the same without you in my life
late night drives, all alone in my car
i can't help but start
singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air singin life just aint fair
sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone
and im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven,
maybe we'll make it through one more year down here

view from heaven ; yellowcard

i just realised how i'm so out of tune with my culture.
i go to the temple like once a year
i eat beef, occasionally
i wear jeans or skirts when i DO go to the temple
i dont watch tamil movies
the last tamil movie i watched had to have subtitles
and i had no friggin idea that today was the tamil new year.
i went to my gramma's house and she cooked a feast.
i only know that there is good food.
i'm hopeless la.

HAH

my week was okay, a bit boring but fun nonetheless.
international friendship day was fun
COOKE HOUSE ROCKS(:
but i think fearon had good actresses and gagebrown was cute.

went to the club for seafood dinner last night
(:
i'm a stuffed turkey, been eating good food.
told you i'd break my diet.

ao i woke up today and went down for tennis. coach trained me effing hard
and because of all that exhausting exercise, i sprained my pinky.
ouch, i cant like hold things properly coz it hurts ):
then went over to gramma's house and now i'm home.

dad bought me this book called prep
its about this girl who goes to a boarding school and how her life changes.
there is a line in the book that impressed me.
" i try to be cautious of what i do, the last thing i want is to be noticed, but now, i'm alone and lonely "
does it make sense when you read it?
it does to me, about how she doesnt know what she wants, she wants to be noticed yet she wants to be invisible.
i feel like that sometimes.
thats another story

anyways, the weekend is here and tomorrow i'm out the entire day
f&n workshop in the morning and flagday in the afternoon.
now i shall go read my book and then get to my f&N work

i'm a hazard to myself.

2006-04-12T17:59:00.000+08:00

This shining city built of gold, a far cry from innocence,
There's more than meets the eye round here, look to the waters of the deep.
A city of evil.T
here sat a seven-headed beast, ten horns raised from his head.
Symbolic woman sits on his throne, but hatred strips her and leaves her naked.
The Beast and the Harlot.

She's a dwelling place for demons.
She's a cage for every unclean spirit, every filthy bird and makes us drink the poisoned wine to fornicating with our kings.
Fallen now is Babylon the Great.

I don't believe in fairytales and no one wants to go to hell.
We've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see.
Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us,
You're welcome to the city where your future is set forever.

the beast and the harlot ; avenged sevenfold

wednesday, my eyes are bloodshot and my body feels like jello
its midweek and i'm drained.

stupid skincream is causing an allergic reaction in my eyes and they are watering nonstop and are bloodshot.
i'm tired because i'm having trouble sleeping
i dont even know why.

i was angry today, actually more upset and hurt than angry but anger was definitely there.
i dont wanna talk about it

i want to drown myself now

2006-04-11T18:18:00.000+08:00

To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both
Love never wanted me

To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door

XO ; falloutboy

i last blogged on the seventh of april.
i did not have my computer for two and a half days, i survived on the tiny pockets of time i had with my brother's computer. not much considering boys at the age of twelve find maple story or warcraft more important than their only sister's sanity.
yes i admit it, i'm addicted to my computer.

oh woe is me, not really HAH

so yes and instead of studying during the weekend, i got my fill of tv
and from this i have come to the conclusion that the world is mad
i'm just another being waiting to be sucked into this hell hole, just like everyone else.

monday was stressful, i studied till twelve coz i had a hist test today.
i almost broke down due to the high level of stress i was experiencing and the so called "ghost" in my limited edition indian barbie. (whyihaveitonlyGODknows)
dont ask, lets just say i was kept up most of the night.

today was long, i'm not eating dinner, i think one main meal and a snack is enough for one day yeah.

my itunes is screwed, i lost some songs, i'm depressed coz of that.

oh yes, I HATE MATH
thats it, i'm through with MATH.
ARGH
I WANNA TAKE A FUCKING COMPASS AND STUFF IT DOWN MY THROAT, I MAY BLEED TO DEATH.

SCREW THOSE MATHEMATICIANS.

i would say stupid mathematicians, but if they were stupid they wouldnt even be mathematicians in the first place.

HAVE YOU EVER LAUGHED SO MUCH, THAT AFTER THAT YOU WERE ALMOST IN A DRUNK LIKE STATE?!?!
I HAVE(:

monday afternoon was;
BLOODY BRILLIANT
LAUGHING, LAUGHING AND MORE LAUGHING
BASICALLY LAUGHED MY ASS OFF WITH GUMMY, GRAMMA AND VAL
I CRIED THROUGH ALL THE LAUGHTER AND MY STOMACH HURT LIKE FUCK
BUT IT WAS FUN
SO FRIGGIN FUN
LETS DO IT AGAIN(:

val and i are attention seeking, especially on monday
i think we attained our goal
what do you think val(:
i'm a happy child who is pmsing

i make no sense whatsoever

2006-04-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Oh, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may of faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

but it's better if you do ; panic! at the disco.

today was an interesting day, dramatic and fun.
strange how i can actually put dramatic and fun together
i'm retarded, as atty says(:, so yes its possible.

lets see, started off the day with the bio test, considering i did not actually study much due to another PERFECT shelling from mum, i think i passed. then we had three periods of english, went to the library, i borrowed daughter of venice and some other love story. then came the drama. math lesson
i really have nothing much to say, and to teachers who read my blog, i'm sorry.

i really did not mean to make it seem as if biology is more important to me as a subject or that i prefer the biology teacher to the math teacher. it had nothing to do with that at all.
i have personal issues at home over school, especially math, i dont like math, thus i would say i prefer bio and if i was made to choose i would choose bio
sorry.

after that had a quick recess, *thanks to val for listening to my ranting(:*
then we had chem
chem was so cute today, i dunno why la but MRSP was so cute today LOL
fuels was easy to grasp and her jokes made it easy to understand.
finally, social studies, what mroe do i have to say? i love the subject, i love the teaching and i love his lessons(:

yupp.
after school stayed back for my final cca thing. had fun miss S is a really cool teacher
i went in search for val aftrewhich and i watched her play
it was fun, took a bus home with her
as soon as i reached home i popped two pills.
HEADACHE
bah

mum is home, gramma should be coming over with food which i will attempt to swallow.
my computer is gonna be taken away
and i'm sad.
weekend without my computer ( i get it back monday, it has to be fixed)
the computer man should be here any minute now.

SCOOBY WAS SIGHTED TODAY(:

BANG*

2006-04-06T17:07:00.000+08:00

Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block
they were gone by the time we talked

I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
But you know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don't want to know a thingI hate the way you say my name like it's something secret

My pen is the barrel of the gun.
Remind me which side you should be on

the pros and cons of breathing; fall out boy

ITS THURSDAYY
one more day till the weekend, thats the only consolation.
it being the weekend, other than that, its just as bad as a school day.
three weeks till the first paper, i'm still not even half way done with my revision. i'm SCREWED

today was a PAIN, literally.
i almost puked after recess, coz of my braces, i cant chew my food, so i swallowed whatever i intended to eat. WHOLE may i add.
i was so hungry, i had no choice but to swallow it.

the lessons were pretty relaxed, f&n took up most of the day, as usual i stoned, but i listened more today, i guess its the exam paranoia.

i got home pretty late. i watched like all seven episodes of SALAD FINGERS with my brother, omfg, its the creepiest shit i've even seen.

SALADFINGERS LIKES IT WHEN THE RED WATER FLOWS OUT AND HE FIND RUSTY OBJECTS, ESPECIALLY SPOONS ORGASMIC, HE IS FRIENDS WITH HUBERT CUMBERDALE AND HE HAS ACCUSED JEREMY FISHER OF HAVING INTENTIONS OF DEFLOWERING HIS DAUGHTER!!

can you say RETARDED!

been told there is an underaged party at MOS on the 30THOFMAY
my birthday(:
i'm still wondering what i should do for my birthday, i mean its my sweet sixteenth
something special i guess. i'll leave it to my friends to give me ideas.

the sweet sounds of fall out boy & panic! at the disco PLUS three chapters of bio

bio test tmr :/

everything happens for the best, but the best isn't always everything

2006-04-05T21:11:00.000+08:00

And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause a long shot, don't even take this bet

You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right

a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me" ; fall out boy

Its raining now.
rainy weather is nice for sleep deprived souls such as yours truly, yet why is it that i cant force myself to drop dead on my comfy bed?
because i have a pile of math and english to be done.

went for dental, i swear, if these fuckinng braces dont fix my teeth my the end of this year, i'll go bonkers coz then it would be two and a half years. NOT LONG WHAT.
then pain is fucked up la, thank god i'm forcing down food now coz i have a whole lota more forcing to do

frustrated, PLUS, AS IF WALLOWING IN MY CURRENT MISERY IS NOT ENOUGH, I'M PMSING.
THAT MEANS i'm gonna be extremely irritable.

fuckit

i shall go rot in some corner.

SAW SCOOBY ONCE.
(:

2006-04-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

I spent most of last night dragging this lake
for the corpses of all my past mistakes
sell me out - the joke's on you
we are salt - you are the wound
empty another bottle
and let me tear you to pieces
this is me wishing you
into the worst situations
I'm the kind of kid
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a good thing
if it came up and slit your throat

Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears
rather ones that just don't care
because I know
that you're in between arms somewhere
next to heartbeats
where you shouldn't dare sleep
I'll teach you a lesson for keeping secrets from me

you're heart is the worst kind of weapon; fall out boy

i'm having a strange craving for falloutboy music.
so i'm SATISFYING my craving.
i tell you they are just brilliant.oh and i found out that PANIC! AT THE DISCO was founded by them too, thats why they are sort of the same yet different.

so i said i woudl blog twice and yeah i did.
today was relatively productive
i did three chapters of chem, the cheemest chapter of bio, revised some geog and after this post i've got to study for the geog test tomorrow.
i'm a scatterbrain, i studied everything but i forgot about my geog test tomorrow. brilliant shit la.

so now i have to spend my one hour of freedom learning settlements.
woopeee.

LOVES <3
KIRAN FOR MY TAGBOARD
VAL FOR HELPING ME "UPGRADE" THE SKIN
DADDY FOR BEING THE SEXY MODEL
GUMMY FOR TAGGING

spent the day reading fanfiction, i have taken a twisted liking to triangle romances. like zabiniXgrangerXmalfoy
two hott slytherins are better than one.
oh and i've also been reading TWINCEST and more maleslash.
although there was this cute one where hermione and ginny were together and they were double dating with ron and harry.
they had GAY sex beside each other.

surprisingly i heard school was pretty quiet. hmm?
thata quite strange considering the drama and all

TIS A STRANGE REALITY.

2006-04-04T10:18:00.000+08:00

Something's gotta give me butterflies
Something's gotta make me feel alive
Something's gotta give me dreams at night
Something's gotta make me feel alright
I don't know where it is
But something's gotta give

something's gotta give; leAnn rimes

i did not go to school today
apparently sore throat and nausea keeps one in bed
thats true, to a certain extent i mean
i'm out of bed, but in no state to dress up and go to school.
its one of those days where you wanna stay in your shorts and oversized tshirt and just slowly rot the day away.
but then as i start to slowly rot, the exams come into my mind and so i have now concluded that i should do something productive, so i will.
i'll blog twice today, just for the fun of it.

omfithinkblogginginfun
ireallymustbebored

I SAW SCOOBY THREE TIMES YESTERDAY(:
i'm a happy child.
a child deprived of CANDY and then given too much that she's got a SUGARRUSH!!
i wont see scooby today, there's always tomorrow(:

amor del adiós

2006-04-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

there is a name for people like you
it's starts with a B
ends with a H
i know its hard for you to act your age
but please, for your dignity's sake
try and be fake
you're high pitched voice can break glass
i hate the way you act like you own the class
you whisper and stare
but i really dont care
because i dont wanna ruin you're fucking hair
you're what i am as well
but only different can't you tell
you're a bitch
but i'm a bigger bitch

RANDOM POEM.

so i see my eye rolling is BIG problem for you?
HAH
fat chance i'll stop
oh wait, TECHNICALLY its is a fat chance since i am a FATSO as you so graciously put it.

SCHOOL TODAY WAS ONE WORD: DRAMATIC
we've all changed, but when you cant accept that you yourself have changed, you wil never accept that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE HAS.
doesnt make sense does it?
well you dont make sense?

THIS IS LIKE MEAN GIRLS, ACCEPT POLKA DOTTED STYLE.

my brain has really turned to goo. thats why i can relate my pathetic life to bimbotic movies like mean girls.
waitingforyoutopullthetrigger.

i feel like vomiting again, everything i out down my throat feels like poison, i can feel it all coming up again.
i wish i wasnt so fat, its hard sometimes okay
looking in the reflection, my fucked up hair, my stupid nose, chubby face, then moving on to my tummy, that big blob of fat.
i wish i was like naturally anorexic, maybe then all if you would stop being so insensitive. i'm not severely overweight okay, i only have lik ethree kilos to lose, but then it feels like i've sinned horribly everytime i eat food. i'm trying to stop. maybe i need to starve for awhile.
i have one two months till my birthday. i'll try. i think i can do it.

push me off this buliding, then run down to see me land.
am i dead? or is my broken heart still beating?

2006-04-02T20:25:00.000+08:00

Nothing hurts my world,just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
you'll be the one to fall.

I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go,
no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you,
but it's killing me

unholy confessions; avenged sevenfold

started off my morning with a freezing shower.
i needed to wash my hair and only cold water will do.
then i had tuition, i revised russia; the fall of the russian monarchy.
i think history is fascinating, all the mistakes, the victories, the passion and deception.
i should have taken it as a pure subject, i'm struggling with geog now.
i can feel my muse overgrowing, i'm in need of some serious writing therapy.
a poem or a story. i'm all out of story ideas so a poem it shall be.
i just dont know where to start. i'll get back to the poem thing, hopefully by the end of this post i should have somewhat of an idea.

monday is once again here, i hate mondays, i guess a person like me always feels as if, if a monday is skipped, then you have skipped all the blues and the bad omens for the week, unfortunately, this being singapore and all, one cant afford to miss school so frequently and yes, i have to go tomorrow. at least i have friends who will wallow in misery with me.

the one month diet and the intensive revision
start placing your bets, i doubt i'll survive so place high bets on me giving up by wednesday, i dont thinki'll even last till then. i gove myself till lunch tomorrow.

whoopee, now to go enjoy the rest of my adolescence, well at least until mum gets home.

i hate the way i broke my heart
i hate the way i stare
i hate the way i think of you
the way i always care

i watched a movie yesterday and i did a short personal version.
rnjoy

2006-04-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot see at all
You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot breathe at all
What do you do when you’re alone?
What do you do when no one’s home?
What do you do when you’re alone?
Out of control, Now on your own

Never waking up
The alarm is broken
Running in a dream and it’s like slow motion

crying; sugarcult

listening to breakup songs and singing really loudly, even if its out of tune
that's my remedy for when it all starts to hurt all over again.
not to mention i've been eating 24/7 the entire week
so yeah, putting on loads of weight and having a puffy face while screaming the lyrics to a song about broken hearts really is an excellent way to spen a saturday night.

i wish i could take you and throw you into the ocean and then tie a weight to your leg so that you will remain down there and evene after youdie and your body is all puffy and disgusting you will still stay down there so i wont have to see your face or hear bout you ever again.

everything on tv is about love.
love, kissing, tears, more love, more kissing, more undying love and untamed passion. like wtf la. show something more..
ARGH I DONT KNOW
ANYTHING NOT ASSOCIATED WITH LOVE OR KISSING OR ANYTHING AFFECTIONATE FOR THAT MATTER

yeah i like being sappy and romantic as much as teh next person but omf why all the time?

fuck it

2006-03-31T19:56:00.000+08:00

Ay payita mia, guardate la poesia
Guardate la alegria pa'ti

No pido que todos los días sean de sol
No pido que todos los viernes sean de fiesta
Tampoco te pido que vuelvas rogando perdón
Si lloras con los ojos secos Y ha
blando de ellaAy amor me duele tanto

la tortura (spanish version) ; shakira FEAT alejandro sanz

I THINK ITALIAN IS HOTT
I THINK FRENCH IS ROMANTIC
I THINK SPANISH IS SEXY

wait i think before i say that i shoudl define HOTT, SEXY AND ROMANTIC, in my opinion.

hott; has that special OOMPH which makes you all nervous and feel special
romantic: makes you blush and makes you giddy with passion
sexy: JUST DOWNRIGHT SEXY, NO EXPLANATION NEEDED
whatever turns you on i guess

omgyoushouldjustshootmeimmentallyunstable

YESYES, i'm in the mood for dancing now
how random.
listening to all my SHAKEYERASS songs.
do you remember thong song?? by sisqo. haha, thats HOTT

hmm? today was FUNNY. I LAUGHED SOO DARN MUCH, I THINK I CRIED FROM LAUGHTER LIKE TWICE.

once in the hall during assembly because of this person's laughter it was so funny and because val, serene and are saw LONG WHITE THINGS THAT WIGGLED
AHAHAH
then in class because my pen was horny, it tried to rape val and her reaction was classic(:
I LOVE MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
haha, then ANGELA could not stop singing " shalalala" i fell down and laughed in one spot for a good five minute, then poh min and i were doing salad finger impersonations
funyy shit la.
oh yeah, during social studies lesson, this beautiful black butterfly came into class and there was SCREAMING, our fantastic social studies teachr laughed, to see him laugh is really rare and he looked so cute la. haha
RIGHT ATTY?!?!
haha.

yes yes, i have guitar soon. playing this song called baby paganini.
i should go.
BYEEE

2006-03-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

Just like the lady in a blue dress,
You've got cigarettes on your breath.
Hair spray and some cheap perfume.
I'll put a little sour in your sweet,
You've got so much fucking tongue in cheek.
You want what you could never have.

You say that you want respect
Well then you better get some for yourself.
'Cause all that I see right now,
Is someone who's lost and insecure

So you say that I am rated X,
You suffer from the lack of sex.
Black heart and your lipstick smeared.
Your points are trite and I'm too sober
To deal with you running over
Your same pathetic cliche lines.

lady in a blue dress; senses fail

i'm HYPER today.
relatively slack day, had social studies, which is always fun. anthonio, as atty so LOVINGLY calls him, always challenges the mind, i think ss is fun.

omgshootme!

f&n was five periods long, or should i say two and half hours long, i basically perfected the art if stoning. i could see her mouth move and the words vaguely rang in my ears but still i was no where near the classroom. i was dreaming alright, of what i shall not say, but it was CERTAINLY DREAMING.
oh yes, i've forgotten to talk about the lessona from hell. TAMIL CLASS.
taking tamil B i am ISOLATED at the edge of the class. OH WOW, the stares are not obvious what, the whispering not loud what.
i stare OBVIOUSLY and i NEVER WHISPER.
talk about bitching.
*rolls eyes

i do that too much, the rolling eye thing, i blame val.
haha

so after school, had like two hours to spare, so hema, kani, val, joe and i went to clementi macs. ate(: and met some people, i cabbed home with joe and had tennis. well i ATTEMPTED to have tennis. it rained, i ended up lifting wwights with coach

shivani: coach, i dont think i can lift this, its 25 (pounds or kg?)
coach: nah la, its fine, you're a strong girl.
shivani: okay, if you say so

yeah, well i ended up dropping the thing and there wa sthis LOUD BANG SOUND, all the OLD BUT HANDSOME AND MUSCULAR MIDDLE-AGED ANG MOR MEN TURNED TO STARE.
I WAS MORTIFIED OKAY!

argh, i am currently eating rum&raising ice cream and reading SOPPY fanfics.
i'm gonna study soon, i have a test tmr.

BYE

2006-03-29T21:31:00.000+08:00

Baby grind with me
Relax your mind take your time with me
I love you deeper if you cry for me
Now come and kiss me till yo body gets weak
Just grind with me baby
Grind with me

Light this candle let me set the scene for you baby
Out the shower so fresh so clean baby
Staring in your eyes
I could see the fire
Got you hyptnotized
Do you feel the vibe?

grind with me; pretty ricky

ITS WEDNESDAY, MID WEEK BABY!
not like its anything special but i made it and considering what an emotional week it has been so far, i'm glad i survived.

i'm DEPRIVED
i listen to GRIND WITH ME.. now i'm worried about my sanity.

so anyways, besides the fact that i have come to terms with my deprivation, nothing much has been happening. i'm beginning to panic like alot, i'm worrie dbaout my exams. not to mention the fact that every opprtunity mum gets, she mentions pembroke.
its either
" you must study hard, or you wont get accepted"
or
" at this rate pembroke will never accept you, they want the best of the best"

at first i used to get really intimidated by her attempts to scare me but now i breathe deeply, smile sweetly, walk slowly and calmly to my room, clos ethe door. THEN i start hyperventilating and let her intimidation seep through.

correctiong, I USED TO GET INTIMIDATED IN FRONT OF HER now, i do i panic in the privacy of my room.

i had to disinfect my bed last night, your smell was on it.
thats not good.

blah.anyways, i'm really really tired but before i go to lala land.

i'm praying for you, we all are. i promise we will do that chalet thing ok? just the three of us and an abundance of drinks and food. talk about getting wasted huh? hang in thre(:

ta-

2006-03-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

as usual everything is screwed
not bad what, just when i thought everything was cool, i had to screw it up
you'll never read this
but i'm sorry.

i'm stupid
i'm stupid and annoying
i'm stupid, annoying and senseless
i'm stupid, annoying, senseless and everything bad in this fuckkedd up world.
i shall go die now
bye

2006-03-27T15:53:00.000+08:00

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is Someday
if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

empty apartment; yellowcard

i know it wont happen
i deny that it will happen
yet a part of me hopes in vain that it will happen.

i'm trying so gard to impress you, i'm trying in vain because i can tell you are not impressed

i did not go to school today, dont ask why.
i'm bored, home is boring. i tihnk its coz i'm all alone at home.
how peachy right?
maybe i'll blog later.
will post the beginning of my gay fanfic.
harry and draco.
(:

He ran out the portrait door like he did every night, tears silently streaming down his face, pajamas askew and blond hair a mess. This was how Draco lucius malfoy spent his nights.
He spent them cold and shivering with an endless stream of tears, under the whomping willow, beneath a sad moon.
He would sit there, legs drawn towards his chest, head staring straight at the taunting moon, while his rocked back and forth. It was a sad sight and Draco knew that it would ruin his reputation. What he did not know was that there was always someone watching, always someone waiting, always someone caring and always someone loving him. That very person would fall asleep outside the slytherin dorm every night, silently waiting for Draco. The very person would run after Draco with an equally silent stream of tears flowing down his own face and that same person would stare at the very taunting moon and watch Draco as he cried.

enjoy(:

2006-03-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me

Let's get these teen hearts beating.
Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
; panic! at the disco

i'm at a lost for words today, well not really but for once i dont really have "feelings" to rant and blog about.
this post will be about music mostly
so if you if you are looking for entertainment and you dont like music, i suggest you go to some other site or somthing.

i spent the day doing new playlists and stuff.
I HAVE SEVENTEEN PLAYLISTS NOW.
OMF
i think i am absolutely POSITIVELY retarded.
i'm addicted to PANIC! AT THE DISCO now.
they have a strong similarity to fall out boy
and i love fall out boy so obviously i love panic! at the disco.

i like the witty songs that drip with sarcasm and criticism of the stereotypical human beings.
but then i also like those really loud-give-you-a-headache songs that just beat the crap out of heartbroken and angsty teens that have internal issues with themselves.
NOT TO MENTION the loveydovey-i'll-always-love-you-till-i-die songs
OH YES AND I FAILED TO MENTION THE get-up-and-move-your-ass songs.
AHH THE CHOICES ONE HAS

but instead of making any choices, i just listen to everything.
i dont really listen to solo artists anymore, they are sorta boring
i do have a liking for ryan cabrera, jay sean and yes, sad to say, britney
but i make up for the softness with good charlotte, sugarcult, senses fail, mcr and so many more songs which make father shake his head and say
" daughter, i think you should make the music softer"

i think i'm mentally unstable, this post was nonsensical and stupid yet i still posted it
haha i'm a senseless human being
i shall go sit in a corner and smile to myself freakishly

BAH

i feel another fanfic coming along, inspiration and ideas anyone?

2006-03-25T10:36:00.000+08:00

How'd I let it get this far
What was going through my mind
Why'd you seem to have it all
Yet you're not mine
Started off as just good friends
Still we always step the line
Coz falling for you was so easy

You're everything I want
You're everything I need
You're everything I want my girl to be
And even though I know
You're in someone else's heart
I can't bare to be apart
See I've fallen for you
And I've gotta let you go
And I know that I have got to
Find a way to get on with my life

I don't wanna let you go
But it's killing me inside
How can I just carry on
I need some piece of mind
How do I just move along
And ignore the love so strong
So until I see this through
I'll be holding on to you

holding on; jay sean

val told me about this wong about a week back, i can'y get any new songs at the moment,the computers at home are screwed. anyways, i like the lyrics.
have you ever had a particular connection to a song. i mean the artiste doesnt even know you or the fact that you even exist but yet you feel as if he/she has written it for you in some special bond.
i guess i muct be crazy coz i feel it alot.
you know, i can't live without a couple of things in my life, and recently, more like in december i added music onto my list.
i cant live without music, it provides a realm for you to dwell in. a realm free of the present reality. either that or it makes you confront your reality, face to face, mano a mano.and i guess that's why i cant say i'm a "punkrock" or heavy metal chick from top to toe.
you could say my heart is divided into many parts.
four parts to be exact.
but i shall not continue on that because this would take hours, i'm sure whoever is reading right now would not be interested in my music.
oh yes, i did not go for flag day today. HAH!
my TONSILS ARE SWOLLEN
WOOHOO!
i'm just woohooiing because my voice if bloody raspy and i cant do that !!
the weekend's here baby ( i'm pretty slow )
SOCIAL STUDIES AND MATH TEST NEXT WEEK
OH THE JOY!

*rolls eyes and makes dramatic exit
pfft-

2006-03-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

the glass you gave me, red wine like blood
after i drank it, you pretended not to hear my thud
the poison took over, i lost myself
i think you enjoyed that, it makes perfect sense
i wondered why you did it as my body started to rise
the i remembered what you said, a fucking bunch of lies

i love you baby, forever more
tomorrrow night, i'll see you on the floor
i'll steal your heart my love
only to return it battered and worse
take this wine as our love divine
take this wine, you were never mine

poison; me, duringchemlesson,
-for you

things are not exactly perfect now.things at home are rocky, my life at school is pretty quiet, cept for the occasional stares and stupid comments but i really cant be bothered.
tests are piling up.
im worried, mum and dad are not talking. i feel like itis my fault. i mean maybe if i did not tell mum that dad was a tad bit over protective and that he scolded me.
i feel so useless you know.
anyways, i wanna give a public apology to someone whether she reads this or not.
to you, i'm sorry i did not tell you and found out from the worst possible person. i'm willing to talk this out if you are. i'm sorry.
yeah, its flag day tmr, and i'm going with val, daddy and cheryl+atty.
should be fun, i miss gummy! she is sick ;poor thing. take care and please drink lots of water, i doubt its the hand footmouth disease thing. you are too old my dear haha.
i just finished guitar lesson, i swear my teacher is the coolest, he always stays an extra fifteen minutes to listen to my latest tunes and to read my latest lyrics. excellent.
so anyway, during prefect commendation, cheryl and i had fun making holes with our nametags.
then we left with daddy, gonggong and pohmin(:
we bought $20 worth of food and we went to the esplanade, sat by the bay and ate like barbarians haha.
these japanese tourists prolly though we were like hobos or something.
it was fun
lets do it again okay!

anyways, i'm off to shower and sleep. i wake up while the sun still sleeps tomorrow
screw it!

2006-03-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

i know it seems as if i really have nothing better to do because this afterall is my second post of the day. i have a very uhmm low emotional tolerance. everything is really screwing up and now that i space out ever so often and actually think about things.
(yes when i space out, i'm actually absorbed in my own thoughts)
and so far things seem pretty bleak. i mean look at it, we have four weeks till the mid year exams, after which we start working our asses off for our prelims and with that the o levels are minutes away. but what about in between, am i gonna spend them listening to angsty/sad songs just so my heart can feel heavy and i'm left struggling to keep my tears in long after the song has ended and silence envelopes my room.yeah i know what adults or teachers who may happen to read this post or my blog for that matter would say. they woudl say study, but there is only so much studying one can do right. i almost feel like giving up like totally.
i feel like erasing myself from this painting which is my life and re-drawing everything on an empty canvas, one which isn't so broken and dirty. i'm not the same person i was two years ago or a year ago for that matter.and at times like these, when i realise this, i get scared. i mean how much more must i learn about myself before i finally get horrified and really do something drastic.
thinking should be banned.
i think too much.

2006-03-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

you're beautiful; james blunt

i did a very stupid thing today, i went to jelita with val
(not the stupid part, actually it was the fun part),
we bought huge cup noodles and we went to my house
i ate the whole thing and then ten minutes later i went to play tennis.
have you ever seen a stuffed turkey run? yeah well, this time i was the stuffed turkey.

today was one word, boring.
seriously, i had two and a half hours free because our f&n teacher did not come.
haha, i used the time reading.
but dinah from 4e2 came over and we started talking, its fascinating okay!
she and i have the same taste in music, we like the same type of abstract are ahaha and all our friends think we are mad.
its cool to find people who share the same passion for things as you.
prefects commendation in tomorrow. serene, val and i are going.
missing CCA for it.

i realise that i have been spacing out so much lately.
i must sleep more, lack of sleep causes the body to malfunction.
the exams are so near. four to five weeks, i wanna drown myself in a pool of chocolate.
dont ask why i chose chocolate.

i miss the way things used to be
things seem unreal
everything feels wrong

beauty is in the eye of the beholder
-val

i hope that answers everything you question.

2006-03-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

true; ryan cabrera

i'm surprised i spelt his name correctly.
today was undescribable.i'm happy
like really, we're friends and i'm cool with that.

so after school at eleven i went home with joe and val.
i changed and we went to orchard to meet anu and the love of her life.
ahaha, funny la
we saw them and could not stop laughing.
it was so retarded, then we were supposed to watch a movie but like no one could decide what to watch, the "girls" got a bit irritated so we walked off and they went to play x-box. we went to eat at yoshinoya.
then we went to level nine. haha while they were playing, joe, val and i went to the "makeoutarea" and technically laughed our asses off.
haha. then we walked and walked ..all the way to PS, looked at guitars, joe went for piano and then we all walked all the way back to cine, sat at LJ's. RETARDED OKAY
NOTIHING EXCEPT THE WORD RETARDED CAN DESCRIBE THIS. OMF LA
okay okay
i'm like being absolutely high right now.
i'm OREOFIED.
haha.

I LOVE OREOS

2006-03-21T19:00:00.000+08:00

You getting bold
He growin' cold
It's just the symptoms of young love
Growin' oldYou think it's time
And you're thinking of leaving
But give it time
It's late at night
He's coming home
Meet him at the door with nothin' on
Take him by the hand
Let him know what's on
If you understand me

dip it low; christina milan

i've been spacing out alot, not during lessons of course but during free periods and recess and lunch.
i guess i have a lot to think about.

i'm not afraid of you. as far as i'm concerned i have lost any respect for you which i ever had, i dont hate you i just dont understand why you wont tell me to my face. i would tell you to your face but that would mean you would have to look at me first, which you do but only when i'm not aware.

to you who thinks i don't know what you did
i think you are wrong, i know what you did, ever dirty detail.
if you wanna stare at me, please do but ask my permission first so that i can doll up or something, i'm sure your highness would love that right. oh and another thing, a picture will last way longer and you might want to consider a chair too.you have nothing to do with whatever the fuck is going on so just keep your nosy self away.

ahh, i love ranting
i'm really not afraid anymore.

tomorrow cant come fast enough

i really dont see what is so fascinating about me you know
really
i'm not pretty, or slim or anything for that matter.
i may look like a freak of some nerd or overweight suicidal fuck or whatever you people call me but seriously stop staring
you'll pop an eye socket or something
come on la, please dont tell me you have nothing better to look at
its quite depressing really
no, not the fact that i insulted myself, but that there is nothing interesting for royalty to watch anymore, so they have decided to come down to our level and STARE.

yeah i know i'm being a bitch
but seriously, this is needed.
and i dont care what you think.

i've been watching the commonwealth games
the swimming is really good, australia is good especially for women.
scotland, england and canada i think for men.

bah
homework beckons

fly me to the moon

2006-03-20T19:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday i broke your heart in two
today i wanna spend my life with you
but its over
its killing me

killing me; sugarcult

today was weird. i was happy
like even when i found out that i was the only one who failed math, i was still happy. i studied for the test okay, i actually passed my graph and the drawing with flying colours but my vectors sucked, i totally spaced out and because i was damn tired. i could have passed. argh
i told my grandmommy
haha she was supportive but she is damn worried. i told her about my plans on wednesday, she is not too happy
she asked for val's number in case she can't get to me and she wanted to see how short my skirt was. :/
i had to calm her down when she sort of got a bit angry at my blue miniskirt. i've worn it a thousand times and like no one even bothers to look at me, i should just wear a huge sign saying loser, seriously, the only reason why i cant be bothered with the length of my skirt is because i have no one to please haha, why care right.
yes, mum is out of the country, she is in bangkok i think for some region thing, i also dunno. she promises that its the last trip before she stops going away for awhile. i hope so. i wish she ws here, i know i never say it often, but i really miss it when she is not here.
dont get me wrong, i love my dad alot but sometimes i wish mum was around more. i feel like i need her at home so that i can do well, like for my psle. but i'm sixteen now and even though i wish i was not, i have to live this fucked up reality and realise that i gotta do this on my own and i'm having a hard time.
baby steps
that's what i'll take.
tiny, slow baby steps. the first hurdle is the mid year exams, and after this week, i'm moving on a fast train. this week wont be slack, but will be sorta slow.
i'm getting emotional now, because my immortal by evanescence is playing.
i can feel the tears welling up and my heart feels like its sinking.
i'm happy, but then again, i'm full of sorrow.
its not a facade anymore, because i genuinely AM HAPPY, i just have so much inside which i havnt said or done. so much i wanna let out but i'm scared.
i cant wait for tomorrow to be over.

i wish you would change so that i could hold you forever

2006-03-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

you and me; lifehouse

i'm in a SOUR mood now
i guess coz i really dont want school to start
i want school WITHOUT school
am i making any sense?

fuck it
today was UNPRODUCTIVE
NO HOLIDAY HMWK HAS BEEN DONE
though i did revise bio and history and i did lots of math.

let me get prepared for a major scolding and what not tmr, oh and not to mention the ever wonderful comments about my wonderful hair.
its curly and my fringe is screwed, mum wont let me do anything CHEMICAL to it
SOOO, no relaxing.

i get to thin it and fix my fringe on saturday, till then i'll look like some freak.
i shall go read fanfic now, while i listen to old songs and try not to tear
i'm a sappy teen who is currently very emotionally unstable, so sue me

GA-FUCK-BLEH

2006-03-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

Something's gotta change again
I'm losing, my inspirations gone, oh no oh no
Seeing through some different eyes
I can't find, my medications failed, again again

I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
See it on the street watching heat from the pavement

Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day

Faces in the crowd
Fake smiles for miles
My imitations wrong of them again
Trapped inside this cheap hotel
Bored as hell turing the channels 'round
In my head
In my bed

hate every beautiful day; sugarcult

so it was three days and two nights without my handphone, my bed, my com and my darlings.
on the bright side, i had a beautiful beach, breathtaking views,excellent food, sand and powerful waves.

my first day in bintan was pretty slow, got there after high tide so spent the afternnon lazing on the beach watching the tiny waves and the bikini clad old ladies walk by.
it was so beautiful, especially the moon that night.
the moon was pink and it was full, from the restaurant on stilts i could see the reflection of the moon on the water, it was gorgeous.
i'm pretty bummed out that i did not have my camera with me, i broke the old one a long time back and i've beent oo lazy to buy a new one.
the next day was almost perfect though.
woke up early, the breakfast was good, PANCAKES(:
then went to the beach, the waves were fucking HUGE....
HAHAHA
body boarding was GOOD
coz the conditions were ideal. i got ENGULFED by a couple of enormous waves.

then had lunch and went shopping, i snagged some branded stuff and pretty ear rings.
bought a tee as well.

by mid afternoon we wwanted to do some watersports and stuff but the waves were too big and the water was wayy too choppy so we went to the pool. i listened to my i-pod and lazed with mum while my brother and dad played ball in the water, i joined them after awhile but i was too damn lazy to play for too long, we had a meditteranian dinner and wentto bed early coz we were all so tired.

today was not so bad, i could not swim because i got my nasty friend this morning so i spentt he morning stoning around our villa while mum got a mani and pedi, dad walked arnd and my brother did hmwk
he did HMWKK
WOw

yep, tehn we fed these koi fish for like an hour after lunch and the bus came and took us home.

so yeah thia holiday was not as EXCITING as the others but i did de-stress and i did think about things. so it was pretty good.

i wrote something random on the beach, i'll post it here.
bye for now.

i sit on the edge
the water on my face
sand in between my toes
salty wind in my hair

my eyes search the pink horizon
something to take away this poson
my broken heart weeps for you
tears to wash your misery

as the pink starts to fade
the new stars emerge
i rub my tear filled eyes
i look towards the quickly darkening sky
i'll wish upon this star tonight

mr.star
shining so near yet so far
listen to my pleas
listen to my cry
i wish for you
i wish you were here
i wish for no tears
i wish for no love
i wish i never knew you

without you, i would have a whole
without you, i would have love to fill my hole
i've fallen so hard i can't get up
i've fallen so hard, nothing can fill my cup

i wish you're hands would lift me
i wish your breath would give me life
i wish you were with me
i wish you were mine
i wish you did not know, what these lips were so meant to hide.

it does not make sense, spur of the moment kind of thing. i'll make it properly when i have time.

2006-03-16T08:20:00.000+08:00

I used to obsess over living,Now I only obsess over you
Tell me you'd like boys like me better
In the dark lying on top of you
This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters

get busy living or get busy dying; fall out boy

so i leave in forty minutes, i dunno why we're leaving two hours before the boat when like the boat leaves at 11.
i'm going to bintan YET again
and hopefully this time i will have fun, the fun fades with every passing year. i'm not even excited la. i guess i'm becoming old and shrivelled.
i hate leaving things the way they are now
so gummy, BANG, joe i'll give you my mum's number so i'll msg you.

romp is today i think, i wish i was going. EVERYONE is going.
so on the depressing note, i'll end this post and hopefully i'll blog on saturday when i get back.

2006-03-14T08:52:00.000+08:00

"true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest and in a head"

" i'm ever cliche, but i simply do it best"

2006-03-13T15:02:00.000+08:00

Without a sound I took her down
and dressed in red and blue I squeezed
Imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundredth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well

drowning lessons; my chemical romance

my hands are itchy
they say that when the palms of your hands are itchy, you will be lucky in money.
NOW, who the fuck is they
did it ever occur to THEM that maybe your palms are itchy due to an insect bite or perhaps an allergic reaction to something.
these old wives tales are annoying
but then again if i said they are all bogus, i would be what one would call a hypocrite.
and i dont think i am one. i do believe in WHAT THEY SAY
for example, never cut your nails or hair before dawn and after dusk
girls with their period should not stay out after dusk
see i'm as superstitious as the next person but there are some which are really annoying especially the ones which involve itchy bodyparts like hands or feet.
come on la, the last time my foot was itchy, my friend said i would be travelling, turns out, the entire december holidays, i did not even go to malaysia, how's that for itchy feet

yes i am rambling about stupid things
when really i should be blogging about my life.
one word
B-O-R-I-N-G

yes and if i'm lucky i can go out tomorrow if not, i'm stuck at home
where i will rot

oh and sorry about the blog confusion, the new blog i created is just not the same as this one, i've had this one for two years and i guess i like the memories, good or bad.
when i read my previous posts and everything, i can see how i have matured as a person, from writing about materialistic things and stuff, i find this blog has become more of a personal diary even if other unknown and perhaps unwanted people read it. this blog is actually another way for my friends and i to get closer, the only down side is the fact that EVERYONE in the english speaking world can read it if they want to.

but that's alright.

you know, i finally realised that boys can be as bitchy as girls or even worse.
its motherfucking crazy i tell you.
but FORTUNATELY i wont tell you because i am too damn lazy to blog anymore. its freezing cold and my bio book in front of me looks more inviting then the computer screen.

au revoir

COOKIEBAMBAMOREO
THE THREE IDIOTS <3

2006-03-12T09:17:00.000+08:00

2006-03-11T08:35:00.000+08:00

Man once sang to me
Look at you saving the world on your own
And I wonder how things gonna be
'Cause the time here it passes so slow
In a city of devils we live
A city of devils we live
Find somebody to learn
Boy you gotta love someone more than yourself
I can feel the fire of the city lights burn
It's hard to find angels in hell

city of devils; yellowcard

its saturday morning
my cramps are killing me
my eyes are red and puffy from my eye cream
my face has this werid spot near my chin which is red and raw
my lips are peeling
my hair is icky ( not the preferred term but yes, in the state in which i am in icky is the best word i could think think of )

the fever is killing me
i'm really a drama queen la haha i guess thats me
with the influenza virus and period all in the same body i'm bound to go bloody mad sometime right?
i mean this week was one fuck of an emotional one
so i guess polka night will be like some sort of closure

yestreday was fun.
after learning journey val and i went for lunch at macs and we talked
its fun and good to talk with her coz we find out how much we have in common
sometimes its creepy but sometimes i think its absolutely brilliant.
we got bored at serenecent. so we called that monkey, arun, to come out
he came and then we all went to my house where i was chasing arun around due to him giving me too much information on CANON BALLS....
i could skin that boy alive and feed him to the dogs you know, but i wont haha coz i'm being nice (:
val and i were really mean to him though
i think he has many bruises on his body from all the whacking
haha
GOOD(:

i'm getting my electric guitar next week, i'm absolutely thrilled okay
i wanna jam so hard

so yes that was my friday and part of my monday.
i'll talk about polka either tonight or tomorrow.

"TAKE YOUR BLACK THONG AND GO HOME!"
- serene tan AKA gummy AKA grandpa AKA master KAIyooo AKA gummy-yo

haha

ps: friendster profile thing is not working, person who is incharge of it, please shoot yourself in the head.

2006-03-10T18:50:00.000+08:00

Lately things don't seem
The way they used to be
Between you and me
Girl I'm missing you

You say I'm never home
Chasing my own goals
And you just don't know
That it's all for you
Don't you understand
I'm trying to be a better man
And all I do, I do for you
Baby heart in hand, I'll give you everything I can
Girl if you can only see

meri jaan; jay sean

i love this song
if only we were all that lucky

okay, POLKA IS TOMORROW
i'm DEAD *bang bang

2006-03-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

i'm through waiting for you
it took a while
now its gone
you made my cry
now i'll fly
while you sit back
and try

i'm through waiting for you
you had your chance
you missed my glance

i never waited for you
distraction i deemed you
annoyance you deemed me
never was it real
never will it last
the passion once strong
went away fast

so now i'll mop this mess that is my heart
whole again, a fresh new start
glued together once again
now lets wait for ta fresh batch of pain

I'M FREE

2006-03-09T14:31:00.000+08:00

it's me against this world
and i dont care

when i sing about my past
its not a gimmick, not an act

if i make i through today
will tomorrow be the same?
am i just running in pace?
if i stumble and i fall
should i get up and carry on?
will it all just be the same?

the young and the hopeless; good charlotte

nothing like my favourite band to make me smile
make me think about the good times i had
gc concert and all

today was sports day
cooke won for cheerleading and gagebrown won in all, gage brown has really good runners
after that val came home with me
we made a stop at jelita first to stock up on food and drinks
yumm
we're pigs (:
i like it when its just val and i coz we get to talking and its really fun
i needed the girl time anyway
thanks DLS<3

learning journey is tomorrow, after that its progress report time
i know i failed f&n and math
i'm just really worried for the rest
i need to get like 60 and above for everything for mum to be satisfied
plus she's letting me and my friends have the house all to ourselves after polka so yeah, i owe her.
i'm thinking of either skiving CCA tmr or just leaving halfway.
i have an appointment at holland.
i have tennis soon, better go rest so i can play a good game
bye

when you said maybe, was it for her or was it for me?
please tell me if i'm hoping in vain-

2006-03-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

Empty dreams can only disappoint
In a room behind your smile
But don't give up, don't give up
You can be lucky in love

send me an angel; thrice

its mid-week
draws me nearer and nearer to polka
i think pretty much everyone out there will probably think i'm obsessed with polka or something
yeah, i guess you could say that
but in case you did not know, a part of me is dreading it too
so yeah
its a love/hate situation

today dls left me all alone
well not really, i had gummy and daddy along with gongong, orange and girlfriend to keep my company and it was pretty fun.
we did not get back our prgress reports, just as well
yeah so after school gummy and i were just sitting outside class, near the garden.
we just talked
it was nice
then i got a call from peici and she was in school already so i met her.
she came for this humanities competition thing.
it was werid coz like so many different schools were there
the boys were pretty amazed or amused or WHATEVER by the gagebrown cheerleaders in the parade ground
gummy and i were on the fourth floor, near the band room watching gramma play her french horn and we were up there looking down.
was pretty funny
we saw green and daddy carrying the GIANT COOKIE (: thing for cooke and we ran down to talk with them
AMUSING DAY

so now, after this AMUSING day, i'm sitting in front of my computer after an hour of useless attempts to get my fringe straight
i feel like cutting it off
my fanfic is underway(: it should be done when the holidays are over
so i shall go now
i'm in need of food and strangely i have the strong urge to do loci
don't ask, it's the period :/

" clinging on to dear life, clinging on to you, but you're letting go
so i'll fall with you, because that's all i'm good for,
falling " - me

2006-03-07T17:51:00.000+08:00

Bite to break skin,
Don't give the secret,
My stoic face,
Beaten with passion
The phoenix will die
Inside the fire storm
I am the son
So follow my footsteps.

bite to break skin; senses fail- underworld:evolution soundtrack

i wanna watch underworld evolution
but i cant
i'm not even 16 yet
i wanna get THEOC season two
but i cant
its not out yet
i wanna bash your head on the wall you bitch
but i cant
i could get expelled
i wanna call you
but i cant
i dont have the guts
i want to shout at you and make you understand because you clearly dont know why i'm angry and you make fucking stupid assumptions.
i wanna cry into my pillow and eventually drown in my own tears.

progress report is out tmr
can anyone say " screwed "
yes I AM SCREWED

school was fine
stop touching my boobs -_-
seriously
and my bra if off limits to your ITCHY fingers
i'll take yours our and lets see if you can walk around without a bra on

you know what
i'm losing my patience very easily now adays
people keep pissing me off left, right and center. i'm in need of calm
pfft
VERY BIG CALM WHAT

i'm off
this blog is PISSING me off
did i not say i am tempremantal and pms-ing

take this passion from me
lock me in this black walled cell
throw away the key
drop it into the deepest pit in hell

2006-03-06T19:31:00.000+08:00

I got my stitches stitched, I got my fixes fixed,
In my aching head, I got my kisses slit.
Our gossip lips stuttered every word I said, I said,I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back.
It's true romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head.

music or the misery; fall out boy

monday blues.
i think that time of the month is coming soon
the pains and the mood swings are frustrating, i just hope they come and go before saturday or come on sunday..
because seriously i cant afford to wear pants on saturday
dont ask why

i failed f&n, i failed my geog test and i screwed E-math
my life is just perfect.
anyways, i keep thinking about my party
i know it seems stupid to be thinking about something that was so long ago and should be forgotten
but i cant help thinking what things would be like now if i had given in
it goes through my head almost everyday
and each time my hand is itching for the shotgun so i can blast my brains.
sports day is coming, dunno if i should go.
reading old fanfics and listening to anger filled songs.

i'm just so fine and dandy -_-

" forgetting someone you love is like remembering someone you dont know " - serene

wise words gummy (:

fin-

2006-03-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

"don't worry love, i'll protect you, it doesn't matter what they think, i think you're beautiful" whispered draco into hermione's ear as they stood outside the great hall.
hermione, frozen with fear could only nod her head and allow the teeniest of small smiles grace her glossed lips as he kissed her forehead.
he took her small and soft hand into his strong and reassuring grip. she felt the warmth spread through her body like chocolate and a warm fire. she closed hey eyes and sighed. he always had this effect on her. he could always make her feel as if nothing could go wrong.
Tonight was the winter ball and being head boy and girl they had to share a dance. what nobody else knew was that the dance would end with a passionate kiss, a kiss that would tell the entire world that draco malfoy, prince of slytherin, heir to the malfoy throne and rumoured death eater loved hermione jane granger, gryffindor princess, muggleborn and harry potter's best friend.

a tale of forbidden love or just another cliche, that's for you to decide. haha, i hope you enjoyed that little bit of my newest fanfic to come. i'll post the rest as i go along, i'm contemplating on a suicidal hermione and death at the end, i promise it will be a happy ennding with a twist.

i seriously have no interest in the f&n project in front of me
BLAH

2006-03-05T10:45:00.000+08:00

together a changed heart, one broken soul

2006-03-04T16:15:00.000+08:00

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long timeShe bowed her head to prayS
he said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting goSo give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

jesus take the wheel; carrie underwood

i'm normally not one who like country music or slow songs for that matter, but there is something about this song which makes me play it over and over again.
mind you, i dont even like carrie underwood's genre of music.

so friday was extremely eventful
i wonder where to begin
let me just say my post today is for two people, and since i belive in having respect for people, even those i do not really like that much, i'll be CIVIL about this.

firstly, to you who thinks just because you have a blog you can diss whoever and whatever,
number one, you dont know the person you dissed
number two, you initiated it
number three, leave us alone, or we will seriously make your life hell.
friends stick together and by dissing one of us, you are creating trouble.
so what if wearing high socks is not YOUR thing, who gives a fuck? i mean if thats how you feel then why not insult the whole of japan, i hear HIGH SOCKS ARE A BIG THING OVER THERE. and if i'm not wrong, it is part of the BAND dress code to wear high socks with your heels right, and when did wearing high socks hurt you? did she stuff the socks in your mouth or something?
no right
i'm not gonna continue because i have alot to say and i really don't have the time.one last thing though, be careful what you say and who you say it to, think before you open your mouth and if you wanna bitch, bitch to the person's face, coz i bitch is not fearful. if you were a bitch you would know that.

secondly, to you who thinks that sec four is still pirmary three
i only have two words for you
GROW UP
it was a joke.

ahh, i love having these anger filled posts, they are very refreshing.
now that i'm calm and content, i shall go.
bye

ps: if the two poeple mentioned have any problems with this blog of mine, i suggest you tell it to my face. if i find that you have, and its not to mmy face but behind my back, be prepared for what i REALLY wanna say.

2006-03-02T18:49:00.000+08:00

Your turn.
You silly, pathetic virgin, you.
You hopeless sinner, you.
You imaginative, fatalist you.
Same story, same bullshit.
Goodbye.

i'm trying to write this song
but somehow its incomplete
i'm trying to write this song
but there is no beat
i'm trying to write this song
the melody is noise
i'm trying to write this song
the lyrics, i dispise

forget your way back home, it's not me there anymore.

2006-03-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

i stole your heart
ripped it out
and smashed it on this floor
you have no need for such a useless thing
broken forever more

death do us part ; a change of pace

i think i've put that song before.
haha i dont give a fuck
so today was a good day, strange how i seem to be saying that less and less right.
bio and math was good, my studying paid off
unfortunately, i think i'm overconfident and stupid so from tmr onwards i better start buckling down again.
tday was fun, dls and i had a slurpee and we watched the sisterhood of the travelling pants. haha i had a thing for chickflicks today.
yeah,it was good.
was talking to lollipop and dls for a while and then daddy called, then daddy left and yeah we three were still talking.
i miss the old times, when we would talk every night, just the three of us and our songs
haha.
can't wait for polka, finally get to see everyone (:
so i basically imitated a rock at home, doing nothing but staring st teh screen before me and reading fanfic.
i'm soppy
hah
so yes, mum is due home any moment, i hope i got something nice from indo(: haha
bye

THE LOLLIPOP EATING MONKEY, DJ ARUN YOYO
DJ GUMMY AZN YOOO
MASTER KAI YOOOoo

haha

2006-02-28T19:02:00.000+08:00

i keep playing perfect world by simple plan over and over again.
perfect is imperfection in itself.

yeah well screw all that, screw the thoughts, screw the comments, screw philosophy
yeah its good to be logical and sometimes maybe even a teeny bit witty, but rarely do we ever look at ourselves, at the lives we lead, the people we love and actually think about our character and everything i mean the whole works right?
well today its gonna be one of those posts.
atty's entry really hit me somewhere soft
and like i had tears reading her post because its exactly how i fell and some stuff she said was true, killing yourself or drugging isnt the answer.
killing yourself wont work.
drugging i'm not sure, but you'll most prolly die and ppl care about you. you think the pain will leave for you just for those few moments of ecstasey, think of the pain the ones you leave behind will feel?
the ones you see everyday
the ones you laugh with
the ones who need you
the ones who are willing to feel pain with you

so here is what i did wrong
i shouldnt have cut myself, it wasnt that big but i still did it.
i cried, i screamed i tore, i didnt eat, i binged.,
i hurt myself because of one stupid reason, i bloody boy and my grades.
my brother cried when he saw blood on my hand, my dad went for a two hour walk when he saw my scars. my mum still has no clue, no one has the heart to tell her.
my friends, well one cut herself because i did. it hurt like hell didnt it?
sorry.
so here's a sorry to everyone, love is nothing. your family and friends are your everything.
relationships come and go, but friends and family are forever
in this case i believe in a forever.
sorry if i'm emotionally unstable, sorry if i cry too much
sorry if i'm too serious or not helpful
i try mybest but sometimes i dont think i try hard anought because at the end of the day you still have the frown, you still have those tears, you still have the scars.

i guess i wanna say that i love all of you and even if i dont show it, i mean it.
thanks atty, for like showing me.

2006-02-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

It twirls and it dances
It entrances my eyes
It spouts no romances
And it tells me no lies
It only tells truth
It tells me just fact
It leaves there some proof
And knows not of tact
It will tell me off
But let me cry
It won’t every scoff
But will watch me die…

the dancing knife, a poem by a writer on fanfic

Strange really. How innocent it looks. Watch as the sun dances off its surface. See how it reflects the things around it as I twirl it in my fingers. The shine of it is almost hypnotizing. Unmoved, uncaring; it merely exists. What would it matter if I drop it and it shatters? Who will miss it? It is of no importance in this world; yet where would we be without it? It's sharp, and potentially very dangerous, yet beautiful. It is deceiving. It cuts both ways. How easy would it be? To draw with it; to make it dance across my flesh drawing intricate swirls and designs; to make the red ink flow and lose myself in the design of death. Simple really.

2006-02-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

this girl i see
is she real
or is it just me?

big brown eyes
they're filled with tears
big black heart
it's filled with fears

the mirror has been shattered
its pieces on the floor
each one broken
a million pieces
that's what it seems like
a million shotguns
that's what you feel like

i'll take you by the neck
i'll pierce your bloodied back
i'll kiss your battered lips
i'll slap your swollen face

tearing the pages
burning these words
slashing my wrists
pulling my hair
biting my tongue
i'm this close to insanity

i've played your stupid games
now it's your turn
i dare you to try
i dare you to break me
i dare you to hurt me
i dare you to make me bleed

i'll laugh when you cry
i'll smile when you plead
i'm sorry dear, its your trun to bleed
there's no running now
i'll find you eventually

its my turn to be the master
it's your turn to be the puppet.

i'll write the final "i love you"
along with the ever powerful "FUCK YOU"

2006-02-27T17:37:00.000+08:00

I'll take you to the top,
Of this building and just push you off.
Run down the stairs so I can see your face
As you hit the street

You know that you are worthless
And I am better than
The games that you play princess.
I've played
and always win

This time I win.
So here's your kiss goodbye

you're cute when you scream; senses fail

today was better than expected.
i got back my f&n test, i'm third in class, the highest is 28 i think so you can sorta imagine how i did right.
yeah, then we had math and bio and ss.
ss was sorta scary coz the teacher was sort of in a bad mood, i think i dissapointed him because i was not focused, i kept answering everything half-heartedly and like gave alot of STUPID answers. :(
sorry, i guess its coz of everything that has been happening and the bio test after school.
BIo lesson was unsually fun, haha we learnt about MICRO-ORGANISMS.
HAHA FUNGUS
LOL
yep, and then lunch was alright, i TAMED my GROWLING tummy.
err i'm retarded, well more than usual.
yeah and then FINALLY the bio test. BIG PHEW.

yes, so yes now to this post, i'm currently WET from top to toe, i'm hungry and i'm sitting directly below the air-con
haha
FLU, HERE I COME (:
i'm off to read fanfic, bathe and study, oh yes and EAT.

ps: YOU FUCKING SUCK, THE SONG YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU SCREAM IS DEDICATED TO YOU, GO FIND THE LYRICS YOU SPINELESS CREATURE.

2006-02-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

i have all these feelings
i don't know what they mean
they swirl in my head
they play with my heart
am i supposed to be in this play
am i supposed to play my part
if these emotions are the script,
where is my stage?
it seems as if i'm forever falling
is this part of the plan?
should i take your hand?
i'm in doubt
should i follow my head or my gut?
a perfect script or a trainwreck waiting to happen?
wait, perfection is subjective
therefore, nothing can be perfect
so i'll take the script, for it is nothing
it'll still lead to the same tragic end
half way through i'll wonder why
i'll stain my skin
i'll even cry
then in the end it all remains the same
the same swirling emotions, the same amount of pain
just because i'm playing this role
it doesn't mean it's real
reality is ths nightmare i run from
it's the very thing i fear
my dreams end with the sunrise
my open eyes embrace the fear
can you smell the crimson?
can you answer the question?
maybe if i stop breathing long enough, everything will be gone
maybe that's supposed to happen
will i ever know?
no

2006-02-26T14:40:00.000+08:00

IT WAS A TOTAL WASTE OF MY SATURDAY EVENING
I STONED FOR A GOOD FOUR HOURS
I BARELY ATE COZ I WAS SICK
I WAS INVISIBLE
I HATED SO MANY THINGS ABOUT LAST NIGHT
AND I GUESS I HATE YOU TOO
I 'M STUPID
I'M DUMB
I'LL NEVER BE LIKE WHAT YOU WANT
BECAUSE I CANT STAND YOU
SO I CANT WAI T TILL YOU GET OUT
COZ I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

2006-02-25T14:31:00.000+08:00

I said, we'll drown ourselves in misery tonight
I lied, you've worn out all your dancing shoes this time
Just give us war, worn lipstick by the door if I inflame
These eyes have had too much to drink again tonight
Black skies, we'll douse ourselves in high explosive light
Just give us war, I've been calling you all weekfor my shotgun

Pick up the phone
Pick up the phone, fucker

I wanna see what you're insides look like
I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside
I wanna see what you're insides look like
I wanna see 'em

bury me in black; my chemical romance

it seems as if the weekend just started right?! and saturday will be over in like ten hours or so.
so i thought i would wallow in my misery by getting a nice tub of BEN&JERRY'S, a good magazine and maybe if i have enough money, a good movie. BUT NO fucking WAY right
i mean now i find out i have to go for this dinner thing at HIS house. I dont wanna go, its never any fun, i dont fit n, it's always awkward and they are all guys. i wanna stay home and watch chickflicks or sth brainless, the stress of going is just WRONG.
but life is UNFAIR and of all the days i wanna "study" my mother will not believe me and she'll make me go. if i dont blog tomorrow, i will have officially shot myself in the head.
argh, i gotta go find something "ladylike" to wear *rolls eyes* i'm not a lady OKAY, i mix nerd with punk, WHAT KIND OF A LADY IS THAT..
and i'm not GOTH either, although they are absolutely beautiful people.
BLACK DOESNT MEAN ONE IS GOTH, i just happen to like black and red, is that such a crime my dear OLD PEOPLE.
i guess you are OLD and yes, anything that leaves even an INCH of skin untouched is absolutely positively SCANDELOUS. OH NO! ALERT THE FUCKING POLICE!
* rolls eyes a gazillion time to empasize on the lameness and stupidity of it all.

AHH this post was refreshing, nothing like a good rant to set the bitch juice flowing. watch out world, I'M HAVING A BITCH FIT AND NO ONE WILL BE SPARED, unless you have a hot guy and chocolate with you.

BYE

2006-02-24T18:34:00.000+08:00

you stole my heart
it's crazy but i'm going insane
feeling lost, confused, ashamed
its crazy hope you're feeling my pain
stolen, just like a moment
stolen, you never owned it

stolen; jay sean

so today is a day full of sympathy, well not really i'm just being really dramatic.
i was waiting for a cab home when i saw this dead cat.
it was horrible, its eyeball were out of its sockets and its internal organs were strewn OUTSIDE its body, rigor mortis already sunk in so it was prolly dead for a while already.
i think the colour form my face literally drained, i felt like i was gonna throw up.

then i came home with a pounding headache.
to take my mind off things i watched tv, they were showing EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS, i remember how much i cried when i watched it the first time when i was younger, now as i watched it again,i almost felt sad, not scared.

this oddball of a human being in a suburban nightmare, taken in by a kindly woman who only bows down to the demons that are her very own gossping neighbours, the oddball only to be saved by the biggest demon of them all, his one true love.

its by timburton if i'm not wrong, blooming genius that man.

i'm so tired, i wanna plop down on my bed and sleep, i better keep myself occupied.
i'll go search for new blogskins now.
bye

MERIJAAN